So apparently, I’m NOT Spanish!

While looking for couple halloween costume ideas, I found the following and quickly texted it to Hubby, with the wording “not sure how I feel about this”.

photo (5)

Hubby: Because it involves a mustache and mustaches freak you out?

Me: No

Hubby: Because someone might actually try to beat you until candy comes out, and by “someone” I don’t mean me, but you know “someone”?

Me: … dude… and no.

Hubby: Does it have to do with something regarding her wearing the wrong shoes and she should have worn the other ones?

Me: OH I hadn’t even noticed that! Look at you all shoe savvy!! And no.

Hubby: Okay I give up and no longer really care.

Me: It’s because it’s a stereotype against our people being all abusive and stuff.

Hubby: Our people?

Me: Ya spanish people, cause we’re spanish.

Hubby: I’m spanish

Me: But I’m married to you so I’m part spanish too!

Hubby: No, you’re not.

Me: um ya I am!

Hubby: Say something in Spanish.

Me: I’m el spanisho?

Hubby: … wow…

Me: WHAT?!?

Me: So I’m NOT spanish???

Me: HELLO!?!?!

Me: … el helloe??…

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Bad news, the dog is limping and no longer loves and/or trust me… Good news, if I’m ever attacked by ninjas while sleep walking, they don’t stand a chance

So Hubby being a wonderful man, who for some reason is still married to the mess of a woman that is me after 14 years, made me breakfast.  Granted he made it at 3am, did I mention Hubby has an insomnia issue, but still very sweet.

Anwho, he was nice enough to not wake me up and instead leave me a note, so that when I got up I would know where to find my delicious breakfast and apparently our puppies breakfast too. Here’s the note:

notes

See!?! SO SWEET… except… he taped it face level on the bedroom door frame… which doesn’t sound bad… but I’m not a big “morning person”… so I groggily struggled out of bed… shuffled to the doorway… and then… in my mind… WAS ATTACKED BY NINJAS!!!!

Naturally I went into defense attack mode, which strongly resembles a person walking into a spider web. My arms and legs were flailing madly, while I attempted to keep the attackers from snapping my neck… unfortunately our puppy Orko ran over to see what was going on and got a quick kick to the butt sending him sliding into the bathroom.

Once I calmed down, and looked to see if there were any Ninjas left alive, I finally saw the note… and then I laughed… Orko did not… Pretty sure my favorite heels are going to be facing some retribution soon… all because Hubby had to be so sweet… jerk.

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The toilet, the toilet, the toilet’s on fire!!

UGH! It’s been centuries since my last post, but I have excellent reasons for being gone so long!!!… however I don’t have time to tell you… but I will… soon… maybe.

Okay, short of the long, Hubby had a near death experience, I KNOW!! Finally its not just me having those in our relationship.

But in all seriousness, which you know I suck at, Hubby had a medical condition that caused him to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance and I got the call that no one ever wants from a fireman paramedic… which, being me, took him like 10 minutes to get me to understand what happened as I thought he was calling to say I had finally burnt down our house… such a long story.

BUT that’s for another blog, good news is that Hubby is recouping, and I will hopefully be writing some posts soon to share the whole crazy debacle with you all.

In the mean time here’s a text conversation my friend Whitney and I had regarding eating too much at a work potluck and having some SERIOUS stomach issues after… enjoy!

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I Give You The Greatest Email You Will EVER Get From An IT Department

So we just got this office wide email from our IT department, which consists of 2 guys, and it’s fucking brilliant.  Don’t just take my word for it, read the email yourself:

Hey Kids,

Over the weekend Alex and I changed the IP address scheme for the office.  The previous setup (when the domain was created years ago) limited us to only 254 network devices total, including all servers, laptops, desktops, virtual machines, wireless access points, desk phones, cell phones, tablets, blah, blah, blah.  As you may have put together, that’s not a whole lot.  So, we changed that this weekend, and we now have address space for a total of 65,534 devices.  So, that should buy us a few weeks before you guys flood our network with more VMs, tablets, and whatever else you crazy kids are buying these days.  Enjoy your new-found device freedom, and network your ass off until you pass out from excitement and/or booze.

So, long story short, you really have nothing you need to do (except praise the IT department for their IT acumen and devilishly handsome good looks), unless you think something is broken or not working properly.  You’re probably wrong, of course, as we, the IT Department make exactly zero mistakes, but feel free to come over and tell us your sob story, and we will lovingly show you just how many ways in which you are wrong.  We’re very nice people, and we’re always happy to show you how to live your lives and be better, more productive members of society.

For the more nerdy of us in the audience:  If you are a developer and you have IIS sites bound to static IP addresses on your work laptop, you will need to update those.  I don’t think any of you do, except maybe the Humphrey Room, but lets face it, they need help with a lot more than just their laptops, so let’s just take it one step at a time with them.

For the rest of you, just remember the golden rule:  when in doubt, reboot.  It’s what has gotten me this far in my “professional career” (relative term), so I pass on this sage advice to you as well.

If you need anything else, ask Alex.  He cares a lot more than I do.

If you have any questions, keep them to yourself.  No one likes nosy people.

Buckets of love,

The IT Department

If you haven't watched The IT Crowd... stop everything and watch every episode immediately!!!

If you haven’t watched The IT Crowd… stop everything and watch every episode immediately!!!

 

 

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THANKS A LOT CAPTCHA! YOU BROKE ME!!!! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!?!?!?!?!

So per my last post, I’ve entered my dog in a beauty contest… shut up.

And every day I’m going on to the voting page to vote like a thousand times… shut up.

It wouldn’t be that bad but for those freaking ‘Prove You’re A Human’ captcha codes, which I swear are getting harder and harder the more I vote.  Which leads me to today’s…

Screen Shot 2014-08-20 at 10.06.32 AM

… well there ya go… it’s what I always thought… I’M NOT EVEN A FUCKING HUMAN!! I MUST BE A FUCKING MYTHICAL BEAST! LIKE A FUCKING UNICORN! I’M GOING TO GO FROLIC IN THE FUCKING WOODS WITH THE REST OF MY KIND!!  YOU DROVE ME TO THIS CAPTCHA!!!!!!!

… wow… um okay…  I think it might be time to withdraw Orko from this beauty contest… I’m beginning to break under the mental stress… I’m just a unicorn after all.

pretty-unicorn

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I’ve become a pageant mom and I don’t even have a child… well not technically

Okay, so there’s this contest AZFoothills Magazine has each year for Arizona’s Cutest Dog , and this year I entered Orko.  I mean come on, look at that face!

Orko

Now I mistakenly thought this was going to be a fair and rational contest. I thought that for 1 month I’d log on the site each day and vote ONCE for Orko and encourage my friends to do the same.  And by encourage I mean brow beat, harass, nag, and just be a complete pain in the ass for the entire month of August.  Then the 5 dogs with the highest votes would be judged by a ‘pet panel’ from the magazine and a winner would be announced.

But no, no that’s not how this “contest” works.  You have unlimited votes each day for the entire month… which means this contest is not about the cutest dog… it’s about the owner that has the most time on their hands and the ability to decipher those crazy annoying captcha codes.

For the first few days I was able to keep Orko in the top 5. Every night I would be spend an hour or two madly typing away at my laptop trying to figure out if the captcha word was garbleduchess or gobblinduckes.

But sadly, actually having a life and a screaming case of carpal tunnel syndrome has caused Orko to drop down to 6th place. So if you have pity for me, and a keen ability to decrypt captcha code, feel free to vote a couple thousand times for my child, Orko.

Captcha-Robot-Meme

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If you live in Arizona, please do not be alarmed by fire balls in the sky for the next month…

After doing some number crunching Hubby and I discovered that we spend around the sum of a small countries national income on eating out.

We decided to make all our meals at home… outside… on the grill.  Hubby’s request, apparently all my kitchen adventures makes him a little flinchy when it comes to home cooked meals.

Grilling. is. Awesome. I don’t know why we didn’t think of this before! I’m awesome at grilling, although the first day was a little concerning. It was captured in a text to my girlfriend, Whitney.

text

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