Oh the D league, you all have them. You haven’t done any laundry in weeks and the only thing that remains in your panty drawer is the D league. The sad, pathetic underwear you KNOW you should toss, but you don’t because you anticipate this moment will come and it’s better to have the D league then no league at all. I mean what are you supposed to do… go commando?? What if you’re killed horribley and your parents have to identify the body and the doctor, while offering them condolences, mentions that you had no panties on… YOU JUST CAN’T DO THAT TO YOUR POOR PARENTS!!!
So I have to choose from the D League options.
Option 1: Elastic has long gone* – (*should only be worn with pants) These are panties I should truly toss because they are SO horribly pathetic. I have NO idea why they’re still in the league. Nothing keeps elastagone up but the pants I’m wearing (hence the not be worn with skirt clause). And even then it’s a struggle, really it is, there’s a dance devoted to just keeping these guys up.
Option 2: FUCK (not an abbreviation, what I say when I put them on) – these panties really suck, they’re the evil panties that looked like nice normal comfortable underwear when I bought them but end up to be halfies… HALFIES!! They only cover the top half of your butt; the rest of your ass is on its own hanging out for the world to see. Now that I think about it these should also have a *should only to be worn with pants clause. I can’t toss them because they’re perfectly good panties and that would just be wasteful. There are starving children in Africa who don’t have underwear!! So how can I, in good conscious, just throw these evil bastards away?
Option 3: Took one for the team – these panties make me sad, they are pretty, fit great, but… they took a hit for the team when aunt flo visited. Sure I could have soaked and saved them but as we’ve already established I suck at doing laundry, hence why I’m in this mess. I could toss them but I feel like they’re my own personal panty albatross, I wear them to punish myself for not being a better person.
Option 4: I’m not a stripper – Two pieces of ribbon attached by a triangle of see-through lace. These usually came with some sexy cami I bought at Victoria Secret, it’s not a secret Victoria you’re a bitch and enjoy making all woman kind feel bad for not being strippers, oops sorry I meant “underwear models”. I would rather go commando then wear these curses on women everywhere. But I still can’t throw them away because I don’t think you can be considered a female without having these in your panty drawer, which is sad.
So which did I got with? Option 2… Why Fuck you ask?? Becuase the sneaky bastards looked comfortable at the time!