1. 10K starts fun, you and your group of friends stick together, laughing, taking pictures, and continuously stating what a beautiful day it is for a race.
2. After the 1 mile marker you start feeling cocky. Yes there are still over 5 miles to go but that first one was SO easy I think I’ll start running (oh did I not mention the fun first mile was done walking? No? Oh well then yes, yes it was).
3. Where the HELL is the 2 mile marker?! I’ve been running forever and my one and ONLY friend that agreed to run with me said we can take a walk break at the 2 mile marker, which I’m beginning to believe someone has stolen!
4. FINALLY reach 2 mile marker, and I am seriously questioning the counting skills of whoever was in charge of measuring these freaking markers, per my exploding lungs we have been running 3.75 miles not 2. Thankfully this is a water stop and people are handing out cups of water… TINY cups of water, shots of water, What the hell people?! Where are the Big Girl Cups?!
5. Continuing on to 4 mile marker, no you didn’t misread. We never saw the 3 mile marker which leads me to believe there is some crazy sick bastard running around messing with the mile markers. Currently drafting a letter in my head to the race committee strongly urging that next year armed officers be placed at all mile markers and anyone caught even looking at the markers be shot.
6. Coming up on another water stop and I’m ready this time, quickly begin grabbing and downing tiny cups as a run by, after sixth cup I hear a volunteer yell that water is available on the tables… What the hell was I drinking?! “electrolytes” my one and only running partner replies, I gasp “OH MY GOD I HAD LIKE A MILLION!” I begin to whimper “am I going to die?” She starts to laugh but once she sees my finger heading for my mouth yells “SUGAR WATER YOU SPAZ!!” …. “oh” I’m relieved, and now a little disappointed that I didn’t drink more.
7. 5 Mile Marker and I LOVE ELECTROLYTES!!! RUNNING IS FUN!! I’ve started reenacting the Friends episode when Phoebe shows Rachel how to enjoy running by running like a 5 year old. Arms flailing and feet skipping. I’m doing an excellent rendition, until I accidently smack the lady running next to me who obviously didn’t have her electrolytes and was raised by sailors, geez lady kiss your mother with that mouth?
8. Can see 6 Mile Marker in the distance feeling good but have obviously reached some sort of strange elevation paradox where air is way too thin. Only way to stay at this pace is to keep mouth wide open and gasp like fish. Look over and I’m relieved to see my one and only running partner in same condition. She looks at me “Can’t do this *gasp* gotta walk *gasp* you go on without me *gurgle*” “We’re doing so good,” I yell “Don’t make me go all Sambaggins on your Frodo ass! I’ll carry you if I have to!!” I begin laughing at my excellent Lord of the Rings reference along with the guy next to me. My one and only running partner is not amused so I slow down to a walk. Geek humor is a tailored taste.
9. THERE’S A FUCKING HILL!! Who puts a hill at the end of a 10K!?!?! I hate 10k’s, they suck, they’re the devil, and I’m never doing this again. “Pump your arms!” my one and only walking partner yells “POWER THROUGH”. Screw power through, this blows, who’s dumb ass idea was it to start running anyways!? I’m pumping my arms like I’m a freaking locomotive, I’m pumping so hard I think I hear something rip and I’m praying it’s my shirt. FINALLY reach the top of satan’s hill and there it is… FINISH LINE. We suddenly have grown wings, we are flying towards the happy arch of balloons, people are clapping, music is playing, we’re laughing and grabbing hands as we soar across the finish line.
10. We have found our friends and received our 2 complimentary race beers, we all agree that this was the funnest thing we have ever done and right then decide to sign up for the 10K starting next month… shit.