I Almost Died… Vicariously Through Someone Else

“Oh My God!” I yelled as I collapsed at the restaurant table, “I Almost Died!” I explained, grabbing Cheri’s drink out of her hand and downing it.

“Oh My God!” Cheri cried, “You just stole my drink!!”

“Focus!” I screeched, “I almost died walking over here for happy hour.”

“Oh,” Cheri said, trying to weigh if this was a good enough reason for me taking her drink, “How?”

“Ok, brace yourself it’s a bit of a story,” I said.

“Ya, yours usually are,” Cheri said.

I chose to ignore her.

“So I was walking here from work and I was really booking it, so I was impressed that this girl next to me was keeping up. Especially because she had these GORG Steve Madden heels on and I..”

“How did you know they were Steve Maddens?” Cheri interuppted. 

“I saw them at Nordstroms last week.  Fabulous shoes, but I decided to wait to get them.” I said nonchalantly.

“Wait until they show up at Norstroms Rack for 60% off next month?” Cheri said laughing, knowing that I am not physically able to buy anything that’s not on sale and drastically marked down.

“Oh shut up!” I said, “I almost died, so please focus on me.”

Cheri continued laughing but waved me on to continue.

“Anywho, so she and I are neck and neck for about 5 blocks when she crossed the street at 3rd, while I waited for the light to change and continue on straight. So the light changes and I start walking across the street when I hear screeching tires.”

“Holy Crap!” Cheri explains, “Were you hit?”

“No”, I said “the Steve Madden girl was… kindof.”

“…. Huh?” Cheri said looking confused and a little annoyed begining to realize this story may not be worthy of a drink steal.

“Well I look over and she’s hobbling away from the front of this truck, then she stops turns around and hobbles back to it.  And I’m think You Go Girl kick his ass!  But then she ducks down in front of the truck so then I think You Go Girl steal his license plate?! Only then she pops back up and hobbles back across the street caring her shoes.  She had literally been scared right out of her Steve Maddens!” I explained.

Cheri continued staring at me for a moment, “Mona” she finally said, “How does this translate to you almost dying?”

“Duh!! I was right next to her almost the whole way, if I hadn’t changed my route at the last minute, I might have been hit by that truck! Can you believe it?! Doesn’t it just make your hairs stand up on end?!?”

“You owe me a drink,” Cheri said.

About But That's For Another Blog

Wifey, Blogger,Dog Mom, Huge Nerd, and One Hellofafriend! (Seriously, I have references). SHINY!!
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to I Almost Died… Vicariously Through Someone Else

  1. OMG! You totally were almost hit! I feel ya. And, too bad she got up so fast for those shoes otherwise you’d be one of Maddens richer.
    So glad you’re ok.

  2. Pissy Kitty says:


  3. Susan says:

    but was the shoe ok??!?!?!

  4. Lafemmeroar says:

    LMAO big time … hilarious … funny … almost dying for happy hour. Also, I always put stuff in my wish list at Nordstrom’s and wait until it goes on sale … lolol I get excited at the words “Sale,” “Marked down” and anything that has a percentage sign next to it …. it’s orgasmic.

    I love this post.

  5. You live a colorful life, I’ll give you that! And you write about it like a script for an Emmy-winning sitcom. Love it!

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