Today started like any other Monday, me sitting at my desk waiting for my older than dirt laptop to start-up while I pondered if driving my car off the bridge this morning would have been better or worse then coming into work today. I could have aimed for that perky blonde jogger and taken her over with me, she was way too perky for jogging on a Monday or any day for that matter, infact she was way too perky period, those were not real perkiness. I noticed the blinking light on my phone… AM voicemail, never good… should have gone with the bridge.
I groaned as I picked up the receiver and entered my code waiting for the message to start.
Pat: “Hi Mona, it’s Pat”
Me: “Oh you better not be calling in sick, I was considering vehicular homicide and I still got my ass in here”
(ya, I reply to my voicemail messages… Oh shut up you do too)
Pat: “So I wont be coming in today”
Me: “OH YOU SUCK!”
Pat: “I broke both my elbows”
Me: “Ya, sure me too I… wait.. what?”
Pat: “It’s the darndest thing, I was running with my dog Friday when another dog ran in front of us which made my dog shy away causing me to fall forward and I didn’t want to land on that poor other dog, so I tried to vault him only I didn’t quite make it and fell landing on my elbows.”
Me: “DUDE, you broke your elbows trying to stop from landing on the dog that tripped you? I would have been cannonballing that bastard!”
Pat: “So I was really embarrassed cause all these people ran over and asked if I was ok and I said yes and went home, put the kids to bed, and sat down to watch some tv.”
Me: “Oh my God! With broken elbows, were you drugged?”
Pat: “I guess I should have taken some ibuprofen or something cause an hour later I was still really hurting and when I went to stand up I realized I couldn’t. I wasn’t able to put any pressure on my arms to push myself up. So I sat there all night until the kids got up for Saturday cartoons and I had them call their Aunt and Uncles for help.”
Me: “OH MY GOD PAT!!”
Pat: “So I went to the doctor and sure enough both elbows are broken and now I have a cast on both arms and really can’t do anything… so I guess I wont be in this week and maybe next too? I’ll keep you updated. Call me if you need anything, my nephew will pick up, he’s been assigned the duty of holding the phone to my ear when people call. Ok thanks and sorry for the hassle!”
I stared at my phone for a while and realized that my Monday was really not that bad.