Me: I’m Fat
Hubby: No you’re not, you’re gorgeous.
Me: Oh honey that’s sweet, but you don’t know the truth.
Hubby: Babe you’re perfect, you don’t need to lose a pound… what truth?
Me: *sigh* Alright I didn’t want to have to do this to you… to us, but I need you to be on board with the fact that I’m a big ole fatty mcfatten and you need to support my efforts to lose… THIS!
Hubby: … what is that?
Me: That is my tubby tummy.
Hubby: … It looks like you swallowed a watermelon, you’re just pushing that out.
Me: Nope, I’m just not sucking it in anymore.
Hubby: You suck it in around me? We’ve been together for 15 years. There’s no way you’ve been sucking it in for that long.
Me: Sorry honey, but it’s time for total honesty in our marriage.
Hubby: How long have you had that?
Me: Since the beginning babe, since the beginning. But I have to admit it’s gotten a little bigger lately.
Hubby: a little!? It’s like they based Buddha off of you.
Me: OK, now you’re just being hurtful.
Hubby: Well I’m sorry you just sprung this on me, literally.
Me: I did this so you would agree I need to lose weight and encourage me!
Hubby: Ya sure whatever you need I’m there for you, maybe we should go to a doctor to have you checked out.
Me: Wow… really? Do you think we should?
Hubby: I want it x-rayed, we shouldn’t rule out the fact you could have a watermelon growing in there.
Me: … you’re an ass.
Hubby: NO Seriously! Remember that guy we saw on TV who sniffed in a seed and a tree started growing in his lungs! That could be you, except a watermelon in your belly!
Me: I’m going for a run, by the time I get back you should have flowers waiting for me … and something sparkly.