I was standing in the checkout line at the little korean owned snack shop in my building when I felt someone watching me. I turned around to see this staring at me from the shelf.
Me: HOLY SHIT!
Uni: Don’t be alarmed Mona, I’m only here to help you.
Me: Help me? How?
Uni: You must kill her.
Me: Kill who!? (following freaky evil purple unicorn’s line of sight), the friendly old korean shop owner lady? No way, she’s always so nice to me!
Uni: Really? Why is it every time you buy a lottery ticket she tells you to split with her if you win big? She’s wants to steal your money, KILL HER!!
Me: No, she’s just being funny!
Uni: Really? Why is it every time you buy a Chobani Peach yogurt she says it’s her favorite too? You buy one like every other day and she says it every time, KILL HER!
Me: No, they are delicious and she’s just complimenting me on my good taste!
Uni: Really? What about that time she sold you a protein shake that had gone bad? You had to come all the way down from the 38th floor to return it, KILL HER!
Me: No, dude chill we have elevators it was no big deal and she gave me 2 free ones for it.
Friendly Korean Shop Lady: You all ready to go?!
Me: Wha? Oh ya, sorry I’m ready. So that purple unicorn you got there is kinda freaky.
Friendly Korean Shop Lady: Me know! Telling husband we return, no one want. And I feel like it watching me and angry. OH you get Chobani Peach, that’s my favorite!!
Me: Ya I know… um can I get a lottery ticket too?
Friendly Korean Shop Lady: Ok but you split with me if you win big ok!?!
Uni: KILL HER!!
Me: ha ha ok, I gotta go. But seriously get rid of that unicorn.