Me: So Kim, looked like you had a good time at the wine tasting last Friday.

Kim: Ya that had to be one of the best wine tastings ever, I can’t believe you left early.

Me: Why, what I miss?

Kim: Well I got Shite Faced.

Me: Classic.

Kim: Patrick bought everyone a glass of champagne which ended up to be 4 bottles.

Me: Awesome.

Kim: I met an alien.

Me: Naturally… wait… you met a whowhat?

Kim: HA! Like I said you left way too early. Okay get comfortable this is gonna take a while.

Me: Was the alien green?

Kim: Ssshhhhh, no interrupting until I’m done! So Me, Girl, older couple, and Patrick were sitting, drinking champagne and talking about marriage. Patrick 16 years, now divorced. Me 9 months, now divorced. Older couple 29 years, yay to them. And Girl 9 years.

Me: Her husband’s an alien!

Kim: Ssshhhhh, so she says 8 of the years were good but last year her hubby requested a threesome.

Me: A threesome with an alien?!

Kim: Ssshhhh, we all tell her bad idea for a relationship and we ask if he wanted another man or woman. She says man, well we find that weird and ask if her hubby is transgendered/sexual.

Me: I don’t know what that means.

Kim: Sssshhhh, she says she’s not sure but that he says he wants a man because she likes massages and if it’s a man he could massage her all day.

Me: I..

Kim: BUT WAIT! She then says the other man hasn’t arrived yet. He’ll be coming within the next few days and is an alien.

Me: DUDE, he…

Kim: BUT WAIT! She then says she’s an alien too. From Polaris, the North Star. She was incarnated on this earth. Her dad is an alien (but not from Polaris) and is an architect of the universe. She believes she was sent here to protect her sister, who is human, from their father.

Me: um… wow… ok… How does she know she’s really an alien if her sister is human?

Kim: Her husband told her, because he’s an alien too and also a life coach.

Me: For Humans or Aliens?

Kim: Humans, I guess.

Me: … dude…

Kim: So eventually I’m the only one left with the alien, and I’m shitehoused. She calls her husband to come get her and he says he will after he aligns his energies. I don’t want to leave her alone, but I seriously don’t know how long it takes to align one’s energies. So I biked home… oh and didn’t hit anything! And that’s all I can remember.

Me: SHIT! I can’t believe I missed that!

Kim: I KNOW! You and her would have totally hit it off.

Kim and I at that wine tasting! (alien not pictured)