Tif: Mona, I found the most amazing thing in the company handbook!
Me: Why, for the love of all that is holey, would you read the company handbook? Oh wait, I know. Trying to find a loop hole for the no flip-flop policy, aren’t ya?
Tif: I have some very nice flip-flops that go with everything. But forget that for now, I found a clause that says we can have a fish on our desk! You should totally get one. I’m not a fan of the little wigglers, but you would look really funny with one.
Tif: ah come on, why not!?
Me: I had a fish.
Tif: I didn’t know that, what happened to it?
Me: … I don’t want to talk about it.
Tif: OH THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD! Hold on let me refill my coffee and than you can tell me all about it.
Me: Dude, can’t somethings just not be told?
Tif: ha funny, ok go!
Me: *sigh* fine.
His name was Flipper, then Pretty, then Big Red, then Captain Marko, then Frankenstein, then just Fishy. I had a hard time sticking to just one name.
Tif: Totally understandable, go on.
Me: I got him my first year of college. He was the prettiest little beta fish you ever saw, all red and purple. And the first year everything was fine, until I went home for the summer. I noticed that one of his eyes was all swollen and kinda popping out. So I called a vet and he said Fishy had ‘Beta Fish Swollen Eye’.
Tif: Well nothing, but that kind of seems like a lame name for a disease.
Me: I thought it kind of described the issue pretty thoroughly. Why, what would you have called it?
Tif: I don’t know something latin like, Eyees Bulges Maximus.
Me: … So it’s basically a bacterial infection. I asked the doctor if I should bring Fishy in, and he asked if this was just a beta fish. Well I didn’t really like the tone of that question but I said yes, and then he said aren’t they like $2 at the pet store.
Me: Right!?! Well I yelled “AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A DOCTOR” and hung up. So I called a pet store after that and they recommended some water cleaner and antibacterial stuff that would totally do the trick.
Tif: Yay Fishy’s saved!
Tif: Oh no, what?
Me: Well, I had to move him from his bowl to another while I cleaned it. The first move went fine, but when I tried to move him back to his new clean bowl he kinda had a fit and… well… once I got him in there… I noticed… well…
Tif: Oh geez woman, WHAT!?
Me: His eye had popped.
Tif: excuse me
Me: Don’t look at me like that! He seriously freaked and must have banged it on something and well it popped.
Me: Ya it kinda was, it just hung there for a couple days and then it finally fell off… and he ate it.
Me: Ya, but he totally got better. He just now only had one eye, which really screwed up his depth perception. He ran into things a lot.
Tif: Ok so traumatic, I get it, but not really a good reason to not get another fish.
Me: Oh, I’m not done.
Tif: Ok, breaks almost over. How many more reason’s do you have?
Me: Um about 5?
Tif: Wow and awesome, ok we’ll talk again at lunch.
Me: Great, can’t wait.
to be continued at lunch…