Please read the title of this post again. EXCEPT this time do it with a Sassy Puerto Rican accent, snap your fingers and pop your hip… aaahhhh much better.
Ok, so as you all know I heart kickball… bbbuuutttt my love for it has been dwindling a little lately and last night I just could not get in the mood for our game.
Until I was burned… and then I got mad… and then my love for kickball returned.
It started off when I was walking up to kick.
Obnoxious Beenie Boy Catcher: Easy out people, move it in!
Me: Escuse me… Oh no you didn’t, boy you better step back!
He didn’t, so I snatched his stupid beenie off his head and threw it in the field. This was met with applause by mine and his team, apparently no one liked that beenie. I then turned to the pitcher.
Me: Bring it!
He brought it.
I kicked the shit out of it.
I took off for first and was almost there when I saw the first base girl being thrown the ball… but who ever threw it had the aim of a monkey and it went flying past her. ( I apologize to any monkeys I may have insulted. You could possibly have excellent aim but I needed an animal and I picked you. Actually now that I think about it Monkeys have been known to throw their poo with pretty deadly precision.. okay scratch monkey and put… squirrel… sorry squirrels).
Seeing my chance I tagged first and took off for second. Again someone in the
monkey squirrel family had got the ball and threw it to second, completely missing the second base guy.
Hello and Goodbye, I sprinted for third.
Now as you can imagine things were getting pretty crazed on the field. And these are just a couple of things I can remember people shouting while I was running. (p.s. guess which one was my third base coach)
AIM WHEN YOU FUCKING THROW!
SHE’S PISSED AND RUNNING FOR SECOND!
OH MY GOD WE SUCK!
STOP THROWING LIKE SQUIRRELS (ok I made that one up)
STOP ON SECOND… I SAID STOP… FUCK! OK FINE RUN FOR THIRD RUN RUN RUN!!
WOULD SOMEONE THROW THE GOD DAMN BALL!
MONA STOP ON THIRD OR I WILL KILL YOU!
THIS IS YOUR FAULT! YOU MADE HER ANGRY!!
IT’S BECAUSE SHE TOUCHED THE LUCKY BEENIE IT HAS POWERS!
So I made it safe on third and besides the fact that it felt like one of my lungs had exploded and the other one was at critical mass, I felt pretty damn good.
My next teammate up kicked the ball into oblivion and I sauntered across home base, finger snapped the Obnoxious Beenie Boy Catcher and proceeded to give high fives to the entire field that had lined up to watch the awesomeness.
I HEART KICKBALL!!