I blame my lazy, dirty neighbors for Hubby not talking to me.
Me: I smell burnt toast.
Hubby: ya, me too.
Me: Are you cooking toast.
Me: Are you sure?
Hubby: Babe, if I was cooking toast and smelled burnt toast don’t you think I’d get up and book it to the kitchen?
Me: ok… good point … so are we having strokes?
Me: I think I read something somewhere that you smell burnt toast when you’re having a stroke.
Hubby: I think it’s almonds.
Hubby: I think you smell burnt almonds if you’re having a stroke, not burnt toast.
Me: That can’t be right, I don’t even know what burnt almonds smell like, I’m pretty sure it’s burnt toast.
Hubby: Fine, we’ll agree to disagree.
Me: I didn’t agree to that.
Hubby: And now I’m ignoring you.
(ya that lasted for like 3 minutes)
Me: Babe do we have a fire contingency plan?
Hubby: A what?
Me: Fire contingency plan, like what’s the plan for the fire that’s about to break out in our apartment building.
Hubby: Hon I’m trying to watch tv.
Me: Really? Babe somewhere in this apartment building someone is burning the shit out of their toast and I bet they don’t clean out the toasters crumb catcher so that will catch on fire
Hubby: Babe I…
Me: Plus I bet they’re really messy and have old take out bags, pizza cartons, and used napkins all over their kitchen counter so the fire quickly spreads through their filthy kitchen.
Hubby: Ok, how…
Me: And you know they’re the type of people who never check their smoke alarm batteries, which are probably dead, so the rest of us have no warning that we’re all about to die in an inferno of flaming death! Oh but you’re watching tv so never mind!!
Hubby: FINE! What’s our fire contingency plan?
Me: Grab CIA Cat and run away.
Hubby: Really, you spent all that time thinking of how we’re gonna die in this imaginary firey inferno yet all you can think of for a plan is ‘run away’?
Me:… and grab CIA Cat.
Hubby: Ya, Ok here’s the plan, We should have a bag stashed somewhere in the apartment with all our important papers, passports, photos, etc. In fact we could put it in the cat carrier so when it’s time to go we just need to grab one thing. Lets make the park across the street our meeting point, that way if we get separated we know where the other one will be.
Me: OH, that’s good Babe! Look at you whipping out a plan like that. I’ll go gather our stuff and put it in the carrier, Oh and I’ll put my pink hat in there too!
Hubby: … I don’t want to ask but I have to, why the pink hat?
Me: Well I bet everyone in the apartment building has the same meeting place, so incase we do get separated I don’t want you to panic and run through the crowd screaming my name and pushing old ladies down and then running back into the burning apartment to rescue me only to later find out that I was in the park the whole time and you just didn’t see me… only you wouldn’t find out later cause you probably died in the fire.
Me: smoke inhalation
Me: BUT if I have my bright pink hat on you’ll be able to spot me right away and then you wont die!