It’s a Wedding Not a Funeral, the Bride Did Not Come From My Loins, and I’d Like to Keep My Vajayjay Covered

Seriously people these are things I’ve had to tell sales people trying to sell me their idea of a “perfect dress” for my friends wedding.

AAAARRRGGGHHHH! It should NOT be this hard!

So what’s the problem you ask? I can narrow it down to 3 simple answers.

It's nice but do you have it in a 12?

1.  It’s not a funeral – I don’t want to wear black.  Apparently this is CRAZY TALK as every semi-formal dress made for a curvy girl has been made in black and ONLY black.  WHY?  To slim me down and “hide those problem spots”… HELLO I like my curves! I eat a lot of ding-dongs to keep this figure, why are you trying to hide it!? 

Also weddings are happy and bright and joyful things, why would I want to come as the grim reaper… although in Asia white is the mourning color so they probably think our weddings are depressing as hell… but that’s beside the point! I WANT COLOR!! So they bring out #2.

2.  I’m not the mother of the bride – So STOP showing me her dresses.  COME ON I’m young…ish.  Give me something fun and flirty and me!  And that’s when they show they have not been listening to a single word I’ve been saying and scrape the bottom of the barrel to bring me #3.

3. Me:… dude…
Sales person: Isn’t it gorge!
Me: … Dude…
Sales Person: You wont know till you try it on!
Me: … DUDE…

...DUDE... SERIOUSLY!?! You're not even trying anymore!!

About But That's For Another Blog

Wifey, Blogger,Dog Mom, Huge Nerd, and One Hellofafriend! (Seriously, I have references). SHINY!!
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12 Responses to It’s a Wedding Not a Funeral, the Bride Did Not Come From My Loins, and I’d Like to Keep My Vajayjay Covered

  1. hahah that’s a funny pic lol I think next time you should choose your own dress. no one knows u better than yourself. nice post 🙂

  2. bonkasaurus says:

    LOL hilarious post! i hate how people justify wearing black because its slimming…it also lacks personality and life.

    -Bianca at

  3. Nick says:

    Lol @ the caption of the grim reaper pic. P.s. I had no idea about that whole wearing-white-at-Asian-funerals thing, it totally threw me for a loop!

  4. Kim says:

    hahahhaha. I hate shopping for dresses!!!

  5. And this is why I don’t like to shop. You should have your own comedy show! Vajayjay…too funny.

  6. Gobetween says:

    I like black but also find that black dresses are for funerals instead of being fun.

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