Last weekend a group of some of my favorite ladies decided to go on a boat tour… a three-hour tour… ya I think you’re beginning to get the idea of the horror that could possibly follow. BUT before we left we had to make sure we had everything we needed for our trip.
Sun Screen – Check
Adorable Dress – Check
Cameras to capture all the Awesomeness – Check
Large amounts of alcohol – CHECK
Everything was set and we were on our way to having a lovely trip, when I received a SHOCKING text.
~ Mona EMERGENCY NO personal liquids allowed on boat. They have bar but drinks R $$$ and WEAK!!!
HOLY CRAP!! This is not good. Okay don’t panic. Simple solution… smaller bottles… and well thought out hiding spots.
I quickly sent out the word to the other ladies and the ideas started flowing in:
Shoes… um ow but what ever works for you
Purses… amateur, that will be first place they look
Hidden compartment in purse… NOW you’re talking
Hidden in hair up-do… aahhhh, impressive
My WaHoo… Honey no one needs a drink that bad
So with the hiding spots picked we met up at the dock. We entered the check-in point and I was already forming excellent responses to any questions they may throw at me.
Security Dude: Ma’am, I can’t help but notice that your bosoms are abnormally protruding.
Me: Why thank you kind sir, but I’m married *wink*.
Security Dude: … ok… but it’s almost like there’s 2 small gin bottles wedged underneath each of them.
Me: Sir, I declare! You do know how to make a girl blush.
Security Dude: … ok… and may I ask why you are carrying an umbrella on a sunny day with no chance of rain?
Me: My mama always said a girl should be prepared for anything.
Security Dude: … ok… but I can’t help but notice it has a wine bottle like shape to it… would you mind opening it?
Me: *GASP* and risk giving you 7 years of bad luck!? A lady does not do such things!
I have no idea why I’ve become a southern belle in this scenario, but I like it!
So we entered the check point and I was the first one in our line of lies.
Security Dude: Name
Security Dude: ID
Me: Ta da!
Security Dude: Thank you, Next.
Security Dude: Next
Me: but, but don’t you want to check my purse or ask me questions about my cleavage?!
Security Dude: … um no?
Me: But, but, but…
Tif: (jabbing me from behind) Move along Mona!
Me: (grumbling) fine.
So there ya go, after all that ENGENIUS sceaming, they never even checked our bags. I’ve never been so disappointed in a security check point in my life… it’s like they trusted us to just be honest… that’s SO un-American!!