a few several many near death experiences in my life. I really gotta hand it to my Guardian Angel, that lady has been able to divert trains, semi-trucks, boulders, reattached a bungee cord, kept 2 trucks and 1 car from flipping with me in them, and put out fires… literally. (If you recall I accidentally set myself and the bathroom on fire.) But she probably wouldn’t have had to work SO hard if 1. I was smarter AND 2. I hadn’t had my childhood friend… Becky.
Becky was, and still is, a great friend. She was always up for anything, loved to laugh, always had your back, but… putting Becky behind the wheel of any moving object was like playing russian roulette, with all the bullets in the chamber. But that didn’t keep us from playing the game. Why?
Okay, the first thing you need to understand is that growing up in a small town really forced you to find amusing ways to spend your time. When you were in elementary school this was easily done with your trusty bike. Sparkle ribbons on the handlebars, stickers on the banana seat, and playing cards stuck in the spokes. You would use that beauty to go to friends houses, parks, anywhere really… as long as you stayed in your neighborhood and NEVER crossed the highway. But why would you? What fun did the highway offer? That question was quickly answered when the high school years came and we received our driving license.
A license in a small town is like a passport to new and exotic places, places like Post Falls and Spokane. Having a license ment freedom and adventure, but ONLY if you had a car, which most of us didn’t… except Becky. Aaaahhhh, so now you’re begining to see why we adventure craved teenage idiots agreed to play the game.
There were many “adventure” had in Becky’s car. But the one that REALLY sticks in my mind is the YOU’RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT, WE’RE GONNA DIE! adventure.
It started innocently enough with Becky and I driving out to Coeur d’ Alene, they had a Target… trust me this was a big deal. So we’ve only been on the road for about 15 minutes when I noticed the sign ahead stating that the 2 lanes would be merging into 1 up ahead. I decided to point this out to Becky incase she missed it, as at that time she was going 80 miles an hour attempting to pass the long line of cars to our right.
Me: Becky you’re gonna need to merge over, this lane ends.
Becky: I will, just wanna pass a few more.
Me: Becky, honey the lane is coming to an end.
Becky: Almost past them all.
Me: BECKY! The lane is ending!
Becky: I know but this jerk wont let me pass!
Me: BECKY YOUR IN THE ON COMING TRAFFIC LANE!
Becky: It’s okay it’s a dotted line I can pass.
Me: BUT THERE’S A SEMI COMING!!!
Becky: I’ll pass before then, is this asshole speeding up? HEY GRANDMA LET ME PASS!
Me: BECKY SEMI! BECKY SEMI! BECKY SEMI!
At that point I put my feet on the dashboard, held on to the oh shit bar with both hands, and began saying my goodbyes. I could hear the semi’s horn, screeching tires and then a sudden jerk…
After a few seconds I opened my eyes. WE WERE ALIVE!! We hadn’t hit the truck and were in the right lane, just driving along. I looked over at Becky who looked extremely calm, white as a sheet, but calm.
Me: Becky… OH MY GOD… that was so fucking close… I thought we were… WOW… I totally closed my eyes, what happened?
Becky: I did too.
Becky: I did too, I closed my eyes. I mean I thought that was it, the end, game over, so I closed my eyes.
Me: YOU WHAT!?! You’re the driver! THE DRIVER CANN’T CLOSE HER EYES! Well you must have jerked the wheel to the right, like an instinct.
Becky: The wheel did turn… but Mona I swear, I didn’t do it.
Me: oh… Shit you really owe my Guardian Angel, she saved your ass.
Becky: How do you know it wasn’t my Guardian Angel?
Me: I’m pretty sure yours has either quite or died from the stress of the job.