I love my bitches (not being crude that’s the name of my group of gal friends) and would do anything for them, but when it comes to offering advice on dating, I let them down every time.

Apparently dating in the 90’s was WAY different (and easier) then dating now.  I met hubby, fell instantly in love with him (seriously I walked into a closed door after our first kiss), and after a couple of years of dating we got married. 

I never had to deal with the trials and tribulations that my lady friends have to deal with in this day and age, here are just a few: 

1. Texting:
Hubby and I never would have stood a chance if this was around when we started dating. How awful to have to rely on fonts and IM faces to figure out what mood the person is in who’s typing to you.  I don’t know about the rest of you but I NEED to hear a person’s voice to know exactly what they’re really saying and thinking. 

example:
You’re crazy vs. You’re Crazy ;-P

(The first You’re Crazy would lead me to believe this guy has figured me out and is currently running for the hills, however the second You’re Crazy tells me he’s joking and the freak show that is me is still safely hidden… see?  TRICKY!)

And, I’m sorry, call me old fashion but if a fella wants to ask me out, I expect him to pick up his phone… and CALL! Voice to voice, not thumb to thumb.

2. The bases are all fucked up:

I grew up with a basic understanding of the “Bases”.  I had always believed it went like this:
First Base = Kissing,
Second Base = Boob sightage and/or possible touching,
Third Base = Showing him your flower or you seeing his winky (yes that’s what I call them, shut up),
Home = is … well home.

This is SO home!

Evidently this is wrong… WAY wrong. I made the mistake of telling one of my gal pals which base I thought she had gone to on her last date.  Lets just say her idea of that base and my idea were drastically different and she spent the rest of the night telling everyone that I had called her a slut… dude.

3. Open dating:
I didn’t even know this was ever an option.  How it was explained to me is that a guy and girl can be dating each other… AND other people at the same time.  I’m only 34, but I must be REALLY old fashioned cause I find this just plain wrong! Your dating me, then you’re dating me and ONLY me, untill I tell you we’re not dating anymore… got it?

4. Facebook:
I don’t even know where to start with this one.  I believe Facebook is to blame for all the Single people out in the world today.  How wrong is it that the minute you friend a possible future soul mate they know EVERYTHING there is to know about you?! Seriously, there’s no reason to talk anymore.

Friends – No need to introduce them, they’re all listed on your page, along with where they live, who they’re in a relationship with, and where they work.

What are your likes and dislikes – No need to tell, they can just go to your info page.  With one click of the mouse they know you’re favorite books, movies, music, everything!

That awkward moment when they ask about your ex’s – Good news no need to talk about it! They can see them all on your history pages. Bad news they can also see all the photos of you kissing and hugging and looking ridiculously happy with them… yay?

And forget about lying about where you are – Maybe you don’t feel like going out with her/him, so you say you’re staying home cause you’re sick/studying/washing your hair.  In the mean time you’ve gone out with some friends. Unfortunately one of your friends, not only tags you in their check-in, but also posts a picture of you taking a shot out of someones belly button. Good luck explaining yourself out of that one.

So now can you see why I’m absolutely no help to my friends when it comes to dating advice?!? IT’S INSANITY OUT THERE!! And to all you single people reading, I only have one more thing to say… Good Luck You Poor Bastards!

Now excuse me, I gotta go kiss my husband and rub a Buddha’s belly that I never have to go through the hell that your living everyday.

Good Luck,
Mrs. Hubby