Hey Hasbro! Stop fucking with my childhood!

I saw the most hideous commercial on tv last night.

Credit Card Monopoly… ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!

It’s exactly like the good old-fashioned Monopoly I grew up with, EXCEPT now instead of using paper money, you swipe a plastic bank card… COME ON!

The best thing about Monopoly was the paper money!  Not only did it strengthen your math skills and appreciation for a buck, BUT you could also flaunt your fan o’cash in your brother’s face when you were wooping his butt!  Now you just swipe a card. What are kids learning from this?  Your life is ruled by plastic and get ready for a life of debt… yay.

I quickly went online to make sure all my other favorite childhood games weren’t being screwed with…

Oh you sons of bitches… SERIOUSLY?!

My brother and I LOVED battleship!  The best part of it was sneakily moving your ship mid game if the other play had hit it and then telling them it was a miss… how can you do that when it’s all computerized!? Play fair? SCREW THAT!

What else…

… you got rid of the dice in Yahtzee?  Okay, now you’re just fucking with me.

Product Description:
“Thanks to innovative Wonder-Link technology, these super-smart dice know what you rolled, what you decide to hold, and automatically re-roll the rest.”

… wow… why the hell am I even playing the game?  Looks like the “super-smart dice” can play it on their own without me… this is the first step to the computers taking over the world.  I BLAME YOU HASBRO FOR THE FAST APPROACHING COMPUTER ARMAGEDDON!

Okay that has to be it, there’s no way they could go further than that…

Oh no you didn’t… YOU MESSED WITH CONNECT FOUR!?

And you changed it to a game of chance… WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

For those of you who may have not played Connect Four, and I can’t imagine there’s many of you out there, here’s what Connect Four is supposed to look like:

It’s a fun, strategic game where you attempt to get four of your color chips in a row while blocking the opposing player from doing the same.  My brother and I played this for hours… I gotta go lay down…  this is just too much to take.

Thanks Hasbro for helping to create a future of lazy, dumb, debt ridden people, but I guess on the plus side most of them will be taken out in the first wave of the computer Armageddon you helped create. 

So in that case, I guess I’ll say ‘thanks’.  Thanks from all of us smart, savvy, imaginative people who grew up with the old school games.  Not only will we most likely survive the first attack but now, thanks to the dumbasses bing killed off first, we have more supplies to help us survive and eventually defeat the computers. 

Who knew Hasbro believed in Darwinism.

About But That's For Another Blog

Wifey, Blogger, Cat Slave, New Puppy Mommy, Huge Nerd, and One Hellofafriend! (Seriously, I have references). SHINY!!
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9 Responses to Hey Hasbro! Stop fucking with my childhood!

  1. winnardc says:

    I used to be 50,000 Monopoly dollars in debt. Turns out I didn’t get such great financing on Park Place. I consolidated my debt with Baltic Ave Debt Services, and now I only owe a wrinkled 500 and a get out of jail free card! Call 1-800-Pennybags today!

  2. I’d like to see them mess with Twister! Is nothing sacred anymore? 😉

  3. Angie Z. says:

    I love retro board games and I wish I never read this in that I had NO IDEA that they’d went down the toilet. What are they going to screw with next? Please at least leave Mr. Potato Head alone.

    My heart is now broken.

  4. F – Hasbro, they stole all those games anyway. We played battleship with 2 sheets of graph paper and two pencils. My aunt taught me yahtzee with 5 dice and a piece of paper and a pencil 15 years before Hasbro “invented” it. Didn’t they also steal hangman. Once again, a piece of paper and a pencil.
    Mr. Potato head used to use an actual potato to stick in all the funny shit.

    Kids used to have to learn to score bowling. Now they have no idea why they get the score they get. Also if you threw like shit, the ball went in the gutter. Wow its a wonder I have any self-fucking esteem at all!!

    Your post is right on!

  5. Sorry, but that had me cracking up. Ha..ha.. Pathetic though, isn’t it? And people wonder why cashiers nowadays can’t count back change when their computerized register fouls up and doesn’t give them the amount. I’ve had to do it for them. No shit! Way to ‘smarten’ up the next generation, dumb-asses!

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