A flask should be a gift, NEVER to be bought for oneself. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I was brought up. It’s one of those life rules, right up there with don’t put your elbows on the table and always keep a clean pair of panties in your glove compartment… poor Hubby learned about that rule during a rather embarrassing police pull over while driving my car… but I digress.
I’ve always felt this way about flasks. If a person goes out and buys themselves a flask, they’re saying to the world that, “Yes I can get a drink at a bar and yes I can get a drink at home, BUT what about that drinking gap between those two place? What’s that you say? Normal people don’t need to drink all the time… I’m sorry, I don’t understand the words that are coming out of your mouth”, and then that person passes out, usually into their own vomit… I KNOW!! GROSS!!! I DON’T WANT TO BE THAT PERSON!!!!
But sadly, I’ve… become.. that… person…
Well minus the passing out into my own vomit part, at least not recently.
Hey! Stop judging me!! It’s not like I didn’t try to get one as a gift!
I have asked for a flask for every Christmas since I turned 21, never got one… WHAT THE HELL SANTA!?!? AND DON’T TELL ME YOU DON’T TAKE A COUPLE NIPS FROM ONE STASHED IN YOUR SLED DURING THAT LONG COLD ANNUAL TRIP, YA I KNOW WHY YOUR CHEEKS ARE ROSEY AND YOU’RE OH SO JOLLY!
But screw santa, I have tons of girlfriends tying the knot left and right. I thought for sure I’d get a beautiful engraved flask as a bridesmaid gift from one of them… nope. I’ve been in FIVE weddings and no flask. Five freaking weddings and not one of those bitches gave me a flask! (p.s. you know I adore all of you lovely ladies that let me be a part of your joyous day… this is just the drinking gap talking). I got necklaces, earings, anklets, and get this… a picture of the bride… ya, but NO personalized flask, and I thought we were friends.
I then attempted to get Hubby to buy me one for our anniversary, but apparently flasks aren’t “Romantic”… so he got me a pink iPod… Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t know pink is what makes things romantic. I’m pretty sure they make pink flasks!
So with Santa, “friends”, and Hubby totally letting me down, I just decided to go out and buy one for myself… but I couldn’t. The minute I started walking towards the flask case at the liquor store I could feel everyone’s eyes on me… those judging, disapproving, squinting, blood shot eyes… so I caved and left empty-handed. Well actually I left with a bottle of Gin, cause we were out, but no flask.
And just when I thought all was lost, I remembered my one true friend who would help me get my long anticipated flask and would never judge me!
THANK GOD FOR EBAY!