And Her Tombstone Will Read, “Killed by Costco Tuna”

“I’m dying!”, I declared as a threw myself onto the couch next to Hubby.

Hubby continued playing his multi-player X-Box game, “oh, that’s too bad… MIKE WATCH YOUR FLANK!”.

Me: Babe! Would you please take the headset off so I can tell you how I’m dying?

Hubby: … TERRY ON YOUR RIGHT! YOUR OTHER RIGHT!! AAARRRGGGHHH, YOU GUYS ARE KILLING ME!

Me: BABE!

Hubby: WHAT?… oh right, you’re dying. How?

Me: I poisoned myself.

Hubby: oh well that’s… WHAT?

Me: Oh no, it’s no big deal, please continue with your game.  Don’t let my horrifyingly, painful death get in your way.

Hubby: Babe! How did you poison yourself?! MARK, I’M NOT TALKING TO YOU!

Me: Tuna

Hubby:… you’re gonna have to give me more.  JESUS YOU GUYS JUST PLAY THE NEXT ONE WITHOUT ME! WHAT?! NO SHE HASN’T TOLD ME WHAT POISONED HER!

Me: Tuna

Hubby: SHE SAYS TUNA… I DON’T KNOW!  How did tuna poison you… wait, we don’t even have tuna.

Me: Yes we do, remember I bought that case of canned tuna at Costco last week.

Hubby: Was it a bad batch? Did it smell bad? Look funny?

Me: No, No, No.

Hubby: … then how do you know you’ve been poisoned.

Me: because I ate all of it.

Hubby: … Ok I’m going back to my game.  GUYS I’M BACK! NO SHE’S FINE JUST ATE TOO MUCH!… YA I KNOW, WELCOME TO MY WORLD!

Me: HEY! 

Hubby: Hon, eating too much tuna is not gonna kill you… WHAT?! I DON’T KNOW! Terry wants to know how much you ate.

Me: This week?… 10 cans.

Hubby: Babe, why did you eat that much? SHE SAID 10 CANS!

Me: Because I’m doing that new protein diet and eating canned tuna is so much easier than cooking chicken and stuff.  But yesterday when I was eating a can at work Tif asked if I was worried about mercury poisoning.

Hubby: What’s mercury poisoning?  WHAT?  OH! Mike says that’s serious.

Me: HELLO!? That’s what I’ve been saying!  Oh but Mike from Oklahoma said it, so NOW you pay attention!

Hubby: Nevada.

Me: What?

Hubby: Mike’s from Nevada.  Mark’s from Oklahoma, so ya gonna tell me or what?

Me: Fine, apparently if you eat too much fish you can get mercury poisoning. So I went online and found a mercury calculator that told you how much was a safe quantity to eat.

Hubby: and?

Me: It said you should only eat 2 cans a week, I had 10… I’M DYING!

Hubby: SHE SAID SHE’S ONLY SUPPOSED TO HAVE 2 CANS!… WHAT?… OH GOOD! Babe, Mark says you wont die.

Me: Really!

Hubby: Ya, he’s Googling. Okay, he says you will have some possible side effect.

Me: Like what?

Hubby: SHE WANTS TO KNOW THE SIDE EFFECTS… UH HUH… UH HUH… HA! THEN SHE MUST HAVE BEEN POISONED SINCE I MET HER!

Me: What?! What’s he saying?

Hubby: He said your skin might get red and itchy and you’ll have moments of unprovoked anger, irritability, restlessness and exaggerated responses to stimulation.

Me: … and you laughed and said I’ve been poisoned since we met? YOU’RE SUCH AN ASS!!

Hubby: Now honey that’s just the mercury talking. OK GUYS LET’S GET BACK TO THE… BABE! What the HELL!?!?

Me: (Holding the unplugged cable to the X-Box) Sorry babe, the mercury made me do it.

About But That's For Another Blog

Wifey, Blogger, Cat Slave, New Puppy Mommy, Huge Nerd, and One Hellofafriend! (Seriously, I have references). SHINY!!
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to And Her Tombstone Will Read, “Killed by Costco Tuna”

  1. hrockwel says:

    No, Mona, you never exaggerate. I can tell by this story. I’m offended on your behalf! 🙂

  2. Red Bull, anyone? 😉

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