I have a friend, who sent me an email, that was BRILLIANT!  And I had to share it.  I had originally thought about altering it to make it sound like she and I were having a conversation.  But then I realized I would be like George Lucas screwing with Star Wars for my own personal pleasure… *shudder*…  Fuck That! So here it is, my friends email to me about the horrors of having boobies… well not really, more about the horrors of having a baby… well not really, more about the horrors of dildos… um just read it.

So something happened to me yesterday that made me think of your blog. I will tell you about it, and maybe you will want to blog about it, but if you identify me in any way I will come to Portland and hurt you in ways you didn’t know were possible!

Sometimes when a woman is breastfeeding her milk ducts become clogged. This causes them to engorge and become extremely painful. Now, as a child I always wanted big boobs. As an adult I realize that the pornstar look just isn’t me. And to be honest this engorgement hurt so badly that I spent all night laying in bed crying. I had been doing everything that I was aware of to treat this- hot compresses, gentle massage and pumping or feeding more frequently. Nothing as fun as massaging your breast with a steaming hot compress on it at 2:00 am. Who says motherhood isn’t sexy?

In the morning I made an emergency appointment with my doctor. While he seemed shocked that I was still having this problem, he wasn’t overly concerned. He said that I was doing everything that I could – except, maybe using a vibrator on my breast. “Um, say what?” was my reaction. “You want me to use a vibrator on my breast?” Yep, ladies you read that right. My doctor ordered me to get a vibrator for my breast. I could just envision walking into a local ‘specialty shop’ and saying, “where are your vibrators? I need one for my boob. Really, it’s for my boob!” So, I am going to have to buy a vibrator – Dr.’s orders. Who says breastfeeding can’t be pleasurable? 😉