Slutty Halloween was last Saturday. Monday is cute and fuzzy Halloween when little rug rats run around in Power Rangers and Hello Kitties costumes, knocking on doors and screeching Trick or Treat at sound decimals I can’t hear but Poopsy next door obviously can per his ongoing howling all night.
Slutty Halloween is when all us “adults” squeeze ourselves into “costumes” that we say are “hilarious” but we secretly wish we could wear everyday.
My costume? Mother Earth.
Yes that’s a bird on my head… yes I put a bird on it… yes I’m from Portland… No, I don’t notice anything else besides the bird when I look at that picture… oohhh do you mean the beer?
Anywho, me and my 2 lovely ladies Kim and Ashley went to a local Pub’s Halloween Costume Party, and because I was the Designated “Don’t Go Home With That” Girl not only can I remember all of the awesome moments that happened that night, but I took pictures!
Ashley met Captain Kirk:
This was epic as 1. it’s Captain Kirk and 2. Ashley made his geek life. This is how it went down:
Ashley: ppppssssssssss Mona ppppppssssssss Mona.
Me: From now on I’m only going to answer to Oh Great And Wonderous Mother Earth.
Ashley: … Mona.
Ashley: Captain Kirk just sat down next to you.
Me: Shut the bulk head doors, we totally need a pic of him and you!!
Ashley: On it… Hi Captain Kirk can I get a picture?
Captain Kirk: Sure, you want me to take a picture of you and your friend?
Ashley: no, I want a picture with you.
Captain Kirk: …. seriously? You and me?… OKAY!!!
Next great moment was Kim meeting Hanz… or was it Franz?:
Kim: hhhhmmmmm attractiveness at 2 o’clock.
Me: Really? Okay let’s go say hi… HI!
Ashley: Mona! That’s 5 o’clock.
Me: oh hahahahaha so sorry sir, um… nice fish bowl.
5 o’clock: It’s a magnifying vision screen.
Me: of course it is.
Kim: Seriously Mona? You thought that was attractiveness?
Me: Hey to each her own! I don’t judge, besides he looked horny… HA! GET IT!?!… why is no one high fiving me?
Ashley: Honey, Kim’s looking at the tall chauffeur dude over there.
Me: Oh, he looks gay… and German, not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’m half German.
Kim: Whatever, I’m heading over… Hi! Great Costume!
Hans or Franz: Thanks, I’m always being mistaken for being a gay german guy so I thought I’d dress like one.
(people I swear to Chuck Norris that’s what he said. Not. Making. This. Crap. Up!)
My awesome moment was when I caught the bunny:
Me: I don’t mean to go all Alicey on you, but did you just see a bunny go by?
Ashley: no… but have you noticed that guy with the cheek bones is staring over here… a lot.
Me: ya, he’s staring at you.
Ashley: How can we be certain he’s not staring at your… ya know.
Me: My bird? No, pretty sure it’s you, let’s go get a picture with him and we’ll be able to tell who he’s staring at…
Me: Well that answers that question… THERE! He just went by again! Did you see him? Please tell me you saw the bunny!
Ashley: Holy Crap I totally did! That’s Awesome! Lets go catch him and get a picture!
Then finally there was the awesome moment that almost got us kicked out of the party:
Me: There’s some sort of commotion going on by the bar with King Kong.
Ashley: Hey Mona! Look! Look at me!
Me: Hold on, I’m trying to figure out… oohhhh it looks like someone stole King Kong’s hands, that’s so sad.
Ashley: Mona! Mona! Mona! Look! Look! Look!
Me: What’s the big… crap.