There is really just one thing you need to know about Portland, Oregon. Even though we are located in ‘The Great Northwest” we very rarely get snow especially downtown, and since that’s where I live I’m totally okay with this.
Well last night the annoying happened… it snowed.
Now I did not find this out by waking up to see the big white fluffy flakes of evilness falling from the sky, no I found it out when I was woken up at 1am by screaming.
So this is how the events transpired (BAM word of the day used! Transpired: To become known; come to light.)… anywho. I awoke sitting bolt upright in bed yelling something along the lines of… “SHITWHOWHATHUHTHEFUCK!?!?!” I’m can get a little turretsy if woken up suddenly out of a deep sleep.
Unfazed by my run-on profanity, Hubby rolled to his side patted my leg and told me to go back to sleep, which actually sounded more like “go… you… sleep…now…zzzzzzz” and he wasn’t patting me on the leg… but like I said it was late and we were both still part awake and part asleep, so let’s continue.
“Why I up?” I asked suspiciously staring around our bedroom looking for a burglar trying to hide behind a lampshade or possibly a monster’s tail disappearing back into the closet.
“girl… screaming…snozzzz” was Hubby’s muffled response from beneath his pillow.
“OH MY GOD”, I yelled, now wide awake I leapt out of bed. “BABE! A girl screaming!?! Where’s my phone we have to call 911! Fuck that, where’s your golf bag!?!” I began pulling on the first items of clothing I could find within arm’s reach, which ended up to be an old high school sweatshirt that was way too small and a pair of Hubby’s pants that, sadly, fit okay.
“mmmm… no golf now… zzzzz”, Hubby said burrowing himself deeper underneath the covers.
“NO, I want your new driver! I’m about to go four all over someone’s ass!” By now I’ve found the golf bag, grabbed the club, and was heading for the front door.
“k… has fun… WHAT?” Hubby shot straight up in bed and looked around for me. “NO! YOU! BACK! NOW!”
“No!” I yelled trying unsuccessfully to open the door, not yet realizing that the deadbolt was still in place. “I gotta go get vigilante! What. The. Hell. Is. Wrong. With. This. Door!?!”
Hubby staggered out of bed and over to me grabbing the golf club “gimmie”. I held on tight, “NO, babe this is serious I girl is being attacked!” this started a tug of war that probably could have gone on for a while when I heard the girl in “peril”.
Girl: “NO, NO, NO OOOHHH YOU ASS THAT WAS COLD!”
Me: What did she say?
Girl: “GET AWAY, GET AWAY AAAAHHHHHHHH, IT GOT IN MY EYE!”
Girl: “THAT’S IT I’M GONNA GET YOU, EAT THIS! YA HOW’S THAT TASTE?!”
Me: … okay what’s going on?
Hubby: look outside.
I walked over to our window and peaked out through the blinds. It was snowing and 2 girls were having a very loud snowball fight, at 1 am.
Me: I hate snow.
Hubby: Are you wearing my pants?
Me: … I’m going back to bed, fucking snow.