So we had a bit of a health scare at our house last night. I think I handled it pretty well, on the outside.
It all started with an in-grown nose hair (seriously, doesn’t it always?).
Hubby: Babe, I think I have an in-grown hair in my nose.
Me: ow, that sucks.
Hubby: ya, or it could be a pimple.
Me: hhmmm interesting.
Hubby:… could you look?
Me: … what…really?
Hubby: Seriously honey, it’s killing me.
Me: *sigh* fine. Lay down, let’s see what we got. Ten years of marriage and I’ve been demoted to nose checker… OH!
Hubby: What!? What do you see?
What I said: Um okay… I do see something.
What I was thinking: HOLY SHIT!!!
What I said: It looks like one side of the inside of your nostril is inflamed.
What I was thinking: IT’S A TUMOR! OH MY GOD HE HAS CANCER!!
Hubby: Inflamed? What does it look like?
What I said: Well, it’s a big red bump.
What I was thinking: TUMOR, CANCER, WHY GOD WHY!?! I’M GONNA BE A WIDOW… I CAN’T PULL OFF BEING A WIDOW! I’M 35 AND BLONDE… NO ONE’S GONNA FEEL BAD FOR A BLONDE 35 YEAR OLD WIDOW!?!?!
Hubby: Well let’s see what google says.
What I said: That’s a good idea.
What I was thinking: HE’S GONNA FIND OUT THE TRUTH FROM GOOGLE, HE WONT BE ABLE TO TAKE IT… DAMN YOU GOOGLE!!!
Hubby: Okay, it says it’s an allergy reaction and I should take some Benadryl.
What I said: Oh good, we have some in the bathroom.
What I was thinking: YOU FOOL IT’S NOT ALLERGIES!! IT’S A FREAKING TUMOR THE SIZE OF TEXAS! OH GOD WHY, HE’S SO YOUNG AND I FINALLY GOT HIM TO PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN!
(45 minutes later)
Hubby: It doesn’t hurt anymore, wanna check how it looks?
What I said: Sure
What I was thinking: HE’S NOT FEELING ANY PAIN? OH GOD, HE’S NOT FEELING ANY PAIN!… THIS IS THE END!!!
What I said:… huh… it’s really gone down, still red but definitley improving.
What I was thinking: HE’S CURED… IT’S A MIRACLE!!!!!