So we had a bit of a health scare at our house last night. I think I handled it pretty well, on the outside.
It all started with an in-grown nose hair (seriously, doesn’t it always?).
Hubby: Babe, I think I have an in-grown hair in my nose.
Me: ow, that sucks.
Hubby: ya, or it could be a pimple.
Me: hhmmm interesting.
Hubby:… could you look?
Me: … what…really?
Hubby: Seriously honey, it’s killing me.
Me: *sigh* fine. Lay down, let’s see what we got. Ten years of marriage and I’ve been demoted to nose checker… OH!
Hubby: What!? What do you see?
What I said: Um okay… I do see something.
What I was thinking: HOLY SHIT!!!
Hubby: and?
What I said: It looks like one side of the inside of your nostril is inflamed.
What I was thinking: IT’S A TUMOR! OH MY GOD HE HAS CANCER!!
Hubby: Inflamed? What does it look like?
What I said: Well, it’s a big red bump.
What I was thinking: TUMOR, CANCER, WHY GOD WHY!?! I’M GONNA BE A WIDOW… I CAN’T PULL OFF BEING A WIDOW! I’M 35 AND BLONDE… NO ONE’S GONNA FEEL BAD FOR A BLONDE 35 YEAR OLD WIDOW!?!?!
Hubby: Well let’s see what google says.
What I said: That’s a good idea.
What I was thinking: HE’S GONNA FIND OUT THE TRUTH FROM GOOGLE, HE WONT BE ABLE TO TAKE IT… DAMN YOU GOOGLE!!!
Hubby: Okay, it says it’s an allergy reaction and I should take some Benadryl.
What I said: Oh good, we have some in the bathroom.
What I was thinking: YOU FOOL IT’S NOT ALLERGIES!! IT’S A FREAKING TUMOR THE SIZE OF TEXAS! OH GOD WHY, HE’S SO YOUNG AND I FINALLY GOT HIM TO PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN!
(45 minutes later)
Hubby: It doesn’t hurt anymore, wanna check how it looks?
What I said: Sure
What I was thinking: HE’S NOT FEELING ANY PAIN? OH GOD, HE’S NOT FEELING ANY PAIN!… THIS IS THE END!!!
…
What I said:… huh… it’s really gone down, still red but definitley improving.
What I was thinking: HE’S CURED… IT’S A MIRACLE!!!!!
But That's For Another Blog 
so very happy for your miraculous cure. Google instead of Lourdes. Who knew?
In the words of Arnold: “It’s not a tumor!” 😀
Okay every time I see the title to this post I think. ” I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. An elephant’s faithful 100%” there is your Dr. Suess for the day
From in-grown nose hair to cancer of the nose in 60-seconds or less. Very impressive. Don’t despair, widow or not, you look great in black (what blonde doesn’t?). I’d be more worried about the obituary. “In lieu of flowers, send donations to the American Nose Cancer Society…”
Just such a human reaction!
I thought I had malaria after I was bitten by a bug, and then came down with a fever the next day. Turns our I just picked up the flu from someone at work, but I was pretty convinced I was going to die.