Let me just start with, I did NOT want to write this post.
I’m sorry, call me a prude I don’t care, but a girl should not post about her va… her vagi… her lady parts.
HOWEVER, I have “friends” who pretty much demanded I blog about my first Brazilian Wax, so … here we go.
I won’t bore you with a long story on why after 35 years I decided now was the time to become bare down there. Let’s just say there was a wrap dress, a gust of wind, and a horrified expression on Ashley’s face that resulted in me making an appointment at Trixie’s Beauty Bar.
Now there a few things you should know about your first Brazilian Wax:
1. Take Ibuprofen BEFORE the appointment; it’s all about a preemptive strike people, and not shutting the bar door after the horses are already out… or something like that.
2. When offered wine by your esthetician Tracy, YOU SAY YES! I don’t care that its 9am, this is one of those few times when drinking wine in the morning is TOTALLY acceptable. But you should only drink white wine; let’s try to keep it classy Portland.
3. Do not be embarrassed when you bare it all to Tracy, and I do mean ALL, like I have this birth mark on my… never mind. What I’m trying to say is it’s just like your yearly pap exam, except Tracy’s not shoving a cold metal object up your wahoo, and she has wine. Honestly, I’d enjoy my pap exams way more if they included an open bar.
4. Surprisingly someone patting your leg, after ripping off all your lady part hairs, does actually take your mind off the pain. Although for me it was mainly because I was focused on flexing my leg so there was no Jell-O wiggley aftershocks happening on my thighs. Oh what ever, you’d do the same thing!
5. The reveal will surprise you, seriously. I hadn’t seen it hairless mole rat down there since I was 8, it was a bit of a shock, but probably not for the reason you’re thinking. (Yes, I did just compare it to a hairless mole rat… shut up… and stop laughing.)
Ashley: SO how’s it look!?
Me: um… okay… I mean good, I like it! It’s just… um…
Ashley: Good Lord What!?
Me: well… I’m not sure… but… aah… I think it was sticking its tongue out at me.
Me: ya, did yours do that?
Ashley: No, but I gotta say I’m not surprised.
Me: Really, why?
Ashley: Well it just seems natural that your vagina would have a sense of humor.
Me: … ha ha, thanks a lot.