In Spanish it means Cousin… the male cousin.
The Italians view it as the First, or the Best.
Urbandictionary.com defines it as “a joint with a sprinkling of cocaine”.
And I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it at my local grocery store as the name of a brand of dog food.
But, I can top all those, well maybe not Urbandictionary.com. Primo is my middle name… seriously… I’m not making this up… on my birth certificate and everything.
I’m not sure who I blame more for this; either my father, who came up with the Mona Primo combo, or my mother who wasn’t paying close enough attention at the time.
Let me clarify, I was a boy. Okay that probably didn’t help clarify much. Per the sonogram, I was supposed to be a boy. I must have been doing the old finger point between the legs, Hah, classic baby Mona move.
Now mom’s told me the main points of what was said during the time that lead up to my name, but I’ve gone ahead and filled in the rest, trust me I’m sure the below is spot on.
So one night my mother was inspecting the inside of the fridge, 9 months full and so very ready for me to get out. Dad was sitting at the kitchen table with a baby book and a calendar.
Dad: Honey… Ellen… Ellen… Honey… Ellen
Mom: Sorry, I’m just so pregnant and hungry and pregnant. What’s up?
Dad: I was just looking at the calendar, and if you have the baby next week it will be born under a full moon!
Mom: Oh god, I hope we have him sooner than that! I want to see my toes again, I have the cutest toes, I miss my toes.
Dad: There still there, but honey did you know that Moon in Old English is Mona?
Mom: Fascinating, what happened to the pie that was in the fridge?
Dad: You ate it about 20 minutes ago.
Mom: … oh ya.
Dad: Mona’s a girl’s name isn’t it?
Mom: Sounds like it. What about the chicken from dinner?
Dad: You ate it all. So if we had a girl we could name her Mona.
Mom: Are you sure I ate it all? I swear I remember wrapping up leftovers to put in the fridge.
Dad: You ate them on the walk to the fridge. So if we have the baby next week during the full moon and it’s a girl, we could name her Mona.
Mom: … I seriously don’t remember eating the leftovers. Gene we already had the sonogram, it’s a boy, Paul Michael.
Dad: Ya I know… but wouldn’t it be so great having girl when we thought it was going to be another boy? We could say she’s our one and only girl, she’s… she’s… our Primo Girl!
Mom: Okay so if I ate the chicken and the pie, why am I still hungry? Do we have cookies?
Dad: You’re pregnant. So if we have the baby next week and there’s a full moon and it’s a girl, we could name her Mona Primo?
Mom: GENE, seriously, if it’s a girl you can name her whatever you want, now where are the cookies!?!
Fast forward a week later, under a full moon.
Doctor: One more push aaannnnnndddddd we have a baby! Ready to find out the sex?
Mom: Oh we already know, it’s a boy.
Doctor (doing a second quick check) Nope, that is definitely a girl.
Dad: MONA PRIMO!!!!