Please tell me I’m not the only one who does this

So I have a 2.4 mile walk to work that I’ve been doing for about 2 years and it can get a little monotonous.  So to liven up thing I sometimes set my feet on autopilot and let my mind go free to play.

 One of the things it likes to play is “WHAT IF?” A classic game that everyone plays… right?

 For an example I’ll tell you the WHAT IF it came up with on this morning’s walk.

 I was walking across the Hawthorne Bridge and noticed that the river water is really high and moving really fast, also a big truck had just gone by making the entire bridge shake.  WHAT IF… the bridge collapsed into the river?

 (Okay here’s how it plays out. )

While plummeting down I make sure to take a deep breath and plug my noise before hitting the water.  
Once in the water I shrug off my backpack and coat so they don’t drag me down. 
I begin my swim towards the shore while dodging bridge debris, BUT WAIT!
A woman is jumping up and down on the portion of the bridge still standing and pointing at something in the water by me!
I look over my shoulder to see a small child struggling against the current.
I know I have to get out of this water before hypothermia kicks in but… fuck it!
I quickly swim towards the child and attempt to pull her towards the shore, but in blind terror she lashes out at me.
I do the only thing I can to save both our lives and knock the 5 year old out cold, much easier to handle now, BUT WAIT!
The current has carried us past the open shore area and towards a waterfall… I know there’s not a waterfall in downtown Portland… SHUT UP, this is my story, there’s one there today!
People are running along the shoreline screaming for me to swim against the current faster. NOT HELPING PEOPLE!
Suddenly the Channel 2 News helicopter is hovering over me, obviously they’ve employed a pilot that used to fly in Nam cause he daringly positions the helicopter skids right next to me, inches above the water.
I grab on to the skid with one arm while the other arm encircles the unconscious girl, we rise up into the air and away from the falls, we’re saved! BUT WAIT!
The girl suddenly slips from my arms and I’m just barely able to grab the hood of her coat before she plummets to her death!
The crowed first screams in panic and then erupts in cheers at my amazing catch; the mother has fainted from my sheer awesomeness.
The pilot lowers us to the ground where I’m grabbed by the crowd, hosted onto their shoulders and carried through the city as a hero; it can’t get any better than that. BUT WAIT!
The mayor hands me a cell phone, it’s Oprah Winfrey, she wants me to be her mentor, I say I couldn’t possibly, she starts crying and offering me millions of dollars to show her the way to be awesome like me. *sigh* okay Oprah, you win…

… so ya… that’s what I do when I walk to work… how bout you?

About But That's For Another Blog

Wifey, Blogger,Dog Mom, Huge Nerd, and One Hellofafriend! (Seriously, I have references). SHINY!!
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Please tell me I’m not the only one who does this

  1. that’s so awesome. far bigger than any I’ve ever imagined.

  2. emma says:

    Wow. I’m impressed. My “what ifs” are more like what if we just picked up and moved to Italy, can we afford it, would my husband really quit his job, what about the cats……very boring. Good post! I’ll get more adventurous in my thoughts! By the way, love that you’re in Portland; I’m across the river in Vancouver.

  3. Must be walking over the bridge (suspended in air) across water that inspires you. No concrete to hold you fast to earth! Fun

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