So kickball season is about to start which means I spent my lunch break stocking up on Jell-O shot ingredients… It’s a Portland thing.

I went to the local Safeway to purchase my Jell-O flavors and I just gotta say I was extremely disappointed with their selection, especially since they’re located right next to a University. By law they should have an entire aisle dedicated to Jell-O’s amazing flavor selection, but no they had strawberry, lemon, and lime… LAME!

After making my purchases I headed to the liquor store down the street, thinking it would be an easy stop to purchase vodka for my strawberry Jell-O and tequila for my lime… YA I AM!!

Anywho, I entered the store and headed to the vodka section… good lord.

Blueberry Vodka
Cherry Vodka
Coconut Vodka
Cranberry Vodka
Espresso Vodka
Fruit Punch Vodka
Grape Vodka
Mango Vodka
Orange Vodka
Peach Vodka
Pineapple Vodka
Raspberry Vodka
Vanilla Vodka
Whipped Vodka, so many whipped vodka flavors!

Clerk Dude: Can I help you with something?

Me: When did there get to be so many flavored vodkas?

Clerk Dude: Welcome to my Hell.

Me: I just need something for Kickball Jell-O Shots.

Clerk Dude: (not even hesitating) Gotchya, here you go.

He then placed the world’s largest container of vodka in front of me.

Me: Dude! (in shock)

Clerk Dude: $19

Me: DUDE! (in excitement)

Clerk Dude: Go big or go home.

Me: Word

I handed him my driver’s license and debit card.

Clerk Dude: HIGH-FIVE!

Never one to leave a Dude hanging; I jumped up and slapped his raised hand.

Clerk Dude: Way to NOT look your age girl!

Me: Oh thanks! The secret is not acting it.

Clerk Dude: Ha! With the backpack I thought you were some kid carrying home her books.

Me: Nope that’s for carrying my “purchases”, no brown paper bag for me, you know what people think of you when you walk out of a liquor store with a big brown bag!

At this Clerk Dude started busting up laughing… hard. Granted we had been having a pretty good word play going on but Dude, it wasn’t that funny. He then ducked behind the counter and came back up with a selection of bags.

Clerk Dude: They probably think something like this…

Just found my favorite liquor store in the world.