There are certain things some people should just not do.

 Blind People should not give friends haircuts
700 pound women should not wear mini-skirts
I should not attempt to slide into a base

… guess which one of these things happened this weekend? Well if you went to Walmart it could have been #2, BUT if you were at a park in Portland you probably saw #3.

 I don’t know what I was thinking. I play kickball for the love of doning funny knee high socks, overindulging in jell-o shots and wearing a tiara… like everyone. I DO NOT play it for the love of being active or sporty! Mainly because I’m against sweating and almost all things that lead to it, BUT mostly because I have NO skill, athleticism, balance, coordination, etc… forever.

 So I had all that going against me, PLUS it was ridiculously muddy, and I was tipsy… really tipsy.  This became quickly evident when I couldn’t make up my mind between sliding feet first or hands first, so I chose the middle ground and went boob/knees first… not my finest moment.   

This was just some of the commentary I heard from my “loyal” team while making a huge ass out of myself, literally, my butt stayed in the air the whole time, p.s. did I mention I wear a sport skirt when I play?

 SLIDE MONA SLIDE!

She doesn’t know how!

Oh. My. God.

What just happened?

That was Mona sliding.

YOU’RE OUT!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

That was the saddest thing I’ve ever seen.

Should one of us pull her skirt back down?

She’s not moving… someone poke her.

No, no she’s good. She’s raising her hand.

No… she’s raising her finger.

RUDE!

Okay seriously, someone pull her skirt down!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Thank God I had my Tequila Lime Gummy Worm Jell-O shots to help ease the emotional and physical pain.