Thank God There’s Not a Test to Be a Woman and DEATH TO ALL CREAMER STEALERS!!

I like to think I’m pretty up to date on all the girl parts and how they work, I mean I’ve had my own for 35 years, but pregnancy will always confuse and baffle me.

MOM! PUT DOWN THE PHONE! I’m not pregnant. 

My co-worker/friend Kay is pregnant and has recently really been enjoying my knowledge of the female body during pregnancy, or should I say, my LACK of knowledge of the female body druing pregnancy.  And I really showed it off today at work.

Me: So you weren’t at work yesterday, you okay?

Kay: Ya, just some pregnancy pains.

Me: I would think the whole pregnancy thing would be a pain.

Michelle: (leaning in from across the aisle) Kay you better not have that baby early, we need you here for at least two more weeks.

Me: Oh she won’t have it early.

Kay: I won’t?

Me: No, because you know, you’re not done yet. Doesn’t you body have to be ready to go for that? And you’re not a go yet, or done, or whatever… what are you smiling at?

Kay: Nothing, please continue, what were you saying about being done?

Me: Well, you know, you have to be all fully ovulated before you can have the baby, right?

Kay: Honey, I haven’t been ovulating for a while.

John: (shouting from over his cubical wall) Think you mean dilated!

Me: SHUT UP JOHN! NO ONE ASKED YOU! AND STOP STEALING MY COFFEE CREAMER!!!

Kay: He’s got a point.

Me: I know, but he’s a creamer thief and must be insulted and ostracized at all time.

Kay: Wow, you can use ostracized correctly but are baffled by ovulating… interesting.

Me: It’s a hard word!

John: No it’s not!

Me: BITE ME, CREAMER KLEPTO!!

John: Sticks and Stones!

Me: DON’T TEMPT ME!

Kay: (laughing) Okay I gotta go or I may actually have this baby early.

John: Why? Are you fully ovulated!?! Hahahaha

Me: NO ONE THINKS YOU’RE FUNNY!!

John: Really, then why is everyone laughing?!?

Me: …

I’m currently plotting my revenge for John, it involves a coffee creamer container left unprotected in my mini-fridge, which may or may not contain a gift from my neighbor’s dog Poopsie… who’s lauging now John!!!… <insert evil laugh here>

About But That's For Another Blog

Wifey, Blogger, Cat Slave, New Puppy Mommy, Huge Nerd, and One Hellofafriend! (Seriously, I have references). SHINY!!
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Thank God There’s Not a Test to Be a Woman and DEATH TO ALL CREAMER STEALERS!!

  1. The word ovulation is only important when it suddenly stops occurring.

  2. Me: I know, but he’s a creamer thief and must be insulted and ostracized at all time.
    i adore this line and will use it on my theiving friend today

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