(Disclaimer – yes I know my fonts are F’d up, but after an hour of trying to fix them I threw my arms up in the air, shouted some expletives, and hit the publish button… deal.)
Portland’s Spring Beer and Wine Fest was last weekend and, like the past three years, I was there to partake in some hard-core
drinking tastings. However the minute I walked in, I knew something was different.
Difference #1 – You have the option of picking from a beer tasting glass or a wine tasting glass when you enter BUT this year only wine could be poured in the wine glass, BUT both beer AND wine could be poured into the beer glass… WHAT THE HELL FESTIVAL PEOPLE!?!? How does that make any sense?!? Why don’t you just call it the Spring Beer OR Wine Fest!?!?
Difference #2 – There was a food court this year, which was BRILLIANT! Cause we all seriously needed some food after a couple hours of drinking.
Difference #3 – There was a movie star there this year! Adrian whatshisname from Entourage. Ashley, Tracy, and I played it totally cool, until we got in an argument over how hairy he was and if it was sexy or not and then turned around to see him standing behind us, staring right at us, we instantly began giggling and ran away… see? totally played it cool.
Difference #4 – Vendors! Now they usually have vendors selling wine/beer related items, but this year they went crazy. There was a dude there selling hats, and a weird guy selling sheets, and a lesbian selling pins, and a crazy lady selling sparkly costume jewelry, and an artsy dude selling pictures of frogs in drinks.
This made no sense at first, but after a couple of hours of drinking we were like; OMG I totally need that hat and/or sequins hello kitty pin and/or picture of a frog roasting marshmallows over a flaming shot glass! Seriously, Ashley almost bought a satin top hat, sadly/luckily it was $85 and she wasn’t drunk enough to spend that much. I however got past the Egyptian sheet dude’s weirdness (he offered to come to my house to install the sheets personally… dude) and purchased some 1,500 count sheets for $30… THEY WERE SO SOFT!!!.
Difference #5 – Ashley got hit on… by the lesbian selling pins… and didn’t realize she was being hit on… so I helped… it was awesome… I’ll recap.
LSP – Your face is SO familiar, have we met before?
Ashley – No, I don’t think so.
LSP – Are you sure? I feel this connection to you.
Ashley – oh… um… no pretty sure we haven’t.
LSP – hhhmmmmm, I really feel like we know each other.
Ashley – …
Me – She’s a blogger! I can give you her contact information! And she’s single!!
Ashley – MONA! She doesn’t care about that stuff!
LSP – ooohhh, so you’re single?
Ashley – … we have to go.