GAH! I have just reached the level of embarrassment that has only been reached by that guy who got his head stuck up an elephants bum. Google it people, I am not making that shit up!
Anywho, I was Facebook messaging with my “friend” Jake about a wine tasting we were going to this weekend:
Me: You’re gonna love this tasting! Everyone brings a bottle that they purchased because of how pretty the label was, fun right!?!
Jake: I LOVE wine and being day drunk, particularly on Dornish wine… Will they have Dornish wine?
Me: Maybe, if it has a pretty label someone may bring a bottle!
Okay, so some of you are probably cracking up right now and the rest of you, LIKE ME, see nothing wrong with this conversation.
SO! Being the awesome friend that I am!! I went to this very snooty wine shop downtown to see if they carry Dornish Wine.
I went to the snooty place cause Dornish sounded continental and my local Fred Meyers probably wouldn’t carry it.
Okay, again, some of you are currently rolling on the floor laughing, while the rest of you, LIKE ME, think I’m an awesome friend for taking the extra step to make sure that this wine is at the tasting for my “friend” Jake.
The instant I walk in, I know I am totally out of my element. This place is snooty to the extreme, like snooty squared. There was a man in the corner examining a bottle with a monocle… a monocle people!
I decide to not even bother looking for the bottle and walk straight up to a clerk unpacking a box of wine…
Snooty Clerk Dude (please read with snooty British accent… he didn’t have one but he probably totally wished he did): yes madam, how may I assist you.
Me: HA! Sorry, I’m looking for a type of wine a friend recommended to me, Dornish wine?
Snooty Clerk Dude:… seriously?
Me: Um ya, is it really rare or something?
Snooty Clerk Dude: You could say that…
Me: … Okay… so you don’t carry it?
Snooty Clerk Dude: No madam we do not, I believe you can only get that from the house of Nymeros in the land of Dorne…
Me: Wow, how did my friend ever get some?
Snooty Clerk Dude: (rolling his eyes) Perhaps by watching Game of Thrones… on HBO… as Dornish wine is a FICTIONAL wine that the characters drink on the TV SHOW.
Snooty Clerk Dude: Was there anything else I could help you find? Maybe a Narnia Champagne or a nice Neverland Shiraz?
Me… ha ha… no… no, I’m good… bye
I then bolted out of that store absolutely mortified and cursing Jake with every fiber of my being!!
How Freaking Embarrasing!!!
I quickly texted Jake:
Me: You sir are an ass! I just went into a wine shop and asked for Dornish wine!!
Jake: LULZ, no you did not?!
Me: … I hate you
Jake: That’s hysterical! So did you get any?!
Me: HA HA NO! I left and can NEVER go back!
Jake: LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
Me: Dammit this is funny and I will have to blog about it… AFTER I stop dying of shame!!
Jake: Please give me my due credit!!
Me: Oh trust me, you’ll get your due…
I’m currently coming up with some payback ideas, it must entail the same amount of embarrassment I experienced… I wonder where I can get an elephant…