I’m sad…

I am a happy person.

This is a fact. 

I love talking. I am known for talking fast and excitedly, with many hand gestures, and laughing.

I love laughing. I will sometimes find something so funny that I will pass laughing and go straight to snorting, my friends think this is hilarious.

I love my friends. I love having these amazing people in my life, who are spectacular and wonderful and who, if I asked, would band together and take over a small country with me. 

I love my Hubby, my Tony. I have loved him from the very first moment I saw him 17 years ago. Marrying him, and being his wife, is the happiest thing I have ever done.

… so when I tell you I’m sad, know that this is a very big deal.

It came a couple weeks ago, like a big black cloud that has enveloped me. It doesn’t just hang above my head, it’s in my head, my body, my heart, my soul.  

I have never felt this kind of depression before, and it terrifies me.  I don’t understand why it’s here.  I don’t understand why it’s making me feel, and think, horrible things.

I feel ashamed that I feel this way.  There is no reason for me to feel this way. There is nothing so horrible in my life for this sense of complete and utter dread to consume me.

So I put on the old Mona’s face, happy, smiling, laughing, and I know I’m a fraud, but I don’t care. I don’t want anyone to know about the blackness in me. 

If they know then I have to explain it, and I can’t. I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t know what’s broken. I don’t know how to fix it.

But the old Mona’s face is just making me sadder. I like her, I love her, I want to be her again.

So no more hiding, deceiving, faking it. Time to shine some light on this suffocating blackness.

Time to find the old Mona and save her from this storm. She’ll probably smack me upside the head and say “It’s about Fracking time!” But I’ll have that coming.

But I’m still so afraid to say the words out loud, to tell my friends of this saddness that has no meaning or reason, yet is there.

So I do it this way, my blog. My silly funny happy blog, will now be my weapon against the darkness.

And I know it will find them, and tell them.

This is my white flag, my SOS, my message in the sky.

I’m sad…

About But That's For Another Blog

Wifey, Blogger,Dog Mom, Huge Nerd, and One Hellofafriend! (Seriously, I have references). SHINY!!
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13 Responses to I’m sad…

  1. Ashley says:

    I’m here

  2. Susan says:

    Say it isn’t so! Sad Mona is just, well…SAD! Let’s do a happy hour! How about tonight? Ya! That’ll help! and if it doesnt? Well, i am here for you! Dont let that sore thumb from “Bronsoning” your beer get you down! You did it! Love you bunches! Xxoo

  3. Tracy says:

    No explanations necessary to anyone because you’re awesome friends will love you and help you find old Mona anyway you need and in the meantime we’ll still love you while you’re sad 🙂

  4. hrockwel says:

    Oh sweetie! I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. There are times when I get into a funk and it takes a while to get out of it. Usually there is something that triggers it, but sometimes I just don’t know the exact reason. I think it is the best thing possible to “own up” to feeling like this, and letting the people around you give you love and support. Hey, if you ever want to talk on the phone about stuff, I’m here for you – for real. Love you.

  5. Eileen Davis says:

    Your Mom is a wise woman and depression is just another page in the book of life. The page gets turned and life goes on. You called it by it’s name, and you asked for support! You are a wise woman Mona and a positive example for all of us.

  6. Jen says:

    I would’ve never guessed it would be “THE” Mona to have these feelings. I’m so happy that your Mom gave you that advice to tell your friends! If anything…you should know that you have a tons of friends around you that would take a phone call at any hour of the day just to hear your voice – the happy or sad Mona voice. You’re SO LOVED by SO MANY!

  7. Please get help. You are a wonderful, talented, and terrific person who deserves an incredible life. Hang in there girlfriend! Sending you prayers and good thoughts! 🙂

    • “Please get help…” HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHA Sorry but that was the greatest opening comment I’ve ever gotten. Serisously I snorted coffee, a sure sign something is hilarious.
      Don’t get me wrong! People have told me to get help before, but I can tell this suggestion is coming from a warm happy place 😀 Thank you!!!

  8. Obviously the Bat Sign in the sky was noted….(no I did not say “Batty. sigh.”) Must be the sunspots of something…all seem to be a little out of kilter (No I did not say “Kill her.”) Maybe just move on and don’t read this comment any more…do not meditate on it…there is no message…let’s just go sit quietly and look at the corner? (Hang in there, tomorrow will be better…oh, yeah. it is already tomorrow….just blog ahead please – nothing to see here…..)

  9. I get the same way sometimes. I think you need to do something you love so much, just to try to give yourself a little boost. Like dress like one of your favorite characters from pop culture, or go to that really cool Dr. Who bar you went to, the Doctor can always help 🙂

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