So you all remember my “friend” Jake and his little Dornish wine gag he pulled on me a couple months ago. And if you remember I swore I would get my revenge, preferably with an elephant.
Well the elephant thing didn’t pan out, BUT after a very fantastic gathering of ladies and piña coladas another even better plan was formed.
Ashley: Did you know that Peter and Sam work at the same place as Jake?
Me:… really? That. Is. Interesting!!
Ashley: Not that interesting… why are you doing your evil laugh… you know you can’t pull it off, it just sounds like you’re choking on a duck.
Me: Harsh. But focus, this means we have an in at Jake’s work. An in for operation “BITE ME TOE BOY”!
Tracy: … I don’t get it, why are we calling it that?
Ashley: Jake has this absurd fear of toes.
Tracy: Seriously? Who’s afraid of…
Ashley: I’m not sorry.
Me: No more Piña Colada for you!
Ashley: I’m sorry.
Me: Forgiven, OKAY so here’s the plan.
(Insert A Team “Describing the Plan” theme music here)
I will find a fake Dornish red wine label online to paste on a random bottle of wine.
I will make sure to include a witty description label on the back that references the book and ends with a hint of who sent the wine.
Tomorrow night Peter and Sam will bring a bunch of ‘You’re Going to be a Daddy’ balloons and leave them at Jake’s desk along with the wine, which will be in a gift bag.
Jake will come into work the next morning, see the balloons and quickly start thinking about all the women he’s slept with in the last 2 to 3 months.
Co-workers will come over to Jake to congratulate him on becoming a father, and then hurry back to their desks to IM the entire office that Jake is screwed.
If we’re lucky he’ll stress for a while before looking at the bottle of wine.
Once he does open the bag and look at the bottle of wine he’ll then throw his fists in the air and yell “MMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”
Tracy: That’s. Brilliant.
Ashely: I am both in awe of you and a little frightened of you.
Me: Yes, yes, this is good… it’s not an elephant… but it will have to do.