Well I had a fun weekend! I organized my closet, painted my nails, was a referee for a charity kickball tournament, almost got in a brawl with an A-Hole, and cleaned out my refrigerator.

So, which of those should I discuss in this blog post… hhmmmm… how about refereeing the charity kickball tournament? OKAY!

pssssssss, don’t worry, it involves the A-Hole too.

Saturday morning I arrived at the park bushy-tailed and chipper for a day of kickball charity fun! Which was impressive as I had to be there at 6:30am and I had been playing poker with the boys till 1:00am… don’t believe me? Look at that bushy-tailed chipperness!!!

AAAWWWWW I’m so cute in my referee orange and my ‘for the cause’ temporary tattoo… which by the way left an interesting tan mark…

Anywho, It had been a pretty good day.  A lot of the teams were new to kickball and were learning the rules, and everyone was having a fun time.  Even Hubby! Look how cute he is kicking that ball!!

Anywho, all was going well until… the A-Hole.

A-Hole was on a team that was brand new to kickball, but obviously had a pretty competitive nature, which is fine… but dude… it’s kickball… for charity… rein it in.

So head referee Jared made a call that A-Hole didn’t agree with and shouted about it from third base. A player who was watching the game from the sidelines yelled back that it was the right call. A-Hole then yells at that player to go ‘F’ himself… okay he said something a little harsher then that, but I’m keeping this PG for the kids.

In case you were wondering, I was refereeing at first base, but my hearing is phenomenal so I was catching EVERYTHING that was being said.

Okay where was I? Oh ya, go F yourself. Well sideline guy just laughs A-hole off and tells him to calm down… he may have called him the reproducing part of a male too.

Well A-Hole is outraged by this accurate comparison and shouts back “when you’re done ‘F’ing yourself, I’m gonna ‘F’ your girlfriend.”

DUDE!!!!… I mean seriously… DUDE!!!

Sideline guy is done with talking and is now walking on to the field.  I run across the field and position myself between the two of them.

Me: GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? WE’RE PLAYING A FUCKING CHILDS GAME FOR FUCKING CHARITY!!

oops.. sorry kids, this just went PG-13.

Jared takes sideline guy back to the sidelines and I’m left with A-Hole.

A-Hole: He started it!

Me: OH SHUT UP! I heard it all, and that comment about his girlfriend just got you kicked out of this game. Get off the field!

A-Hole then did something that even now makes me shake my head at the complete dumbassness of it… shut up it’s a word. He planted his feet, crossed his arms, looked down at me, and… smiled…

OH. HELL. NO. HE. DIDN’T.

Me: I don’t know why you’re smiling sweetheart, this game isn’t continuing until you get your ASS OFF MY FIELD!

Jared: Hey Mona, what’s going on.

Me (not breaking eye contact with A-Hole, as we were currently having a no blinking contest): He’s out of this game. Unsportsmanlike conduct. Offensive language. And being a complete douche.

Jared: …Okay, yellow card!

Me: NO! OUT OF THIS GAME!

Jared: *cough* Mona, that’s what a yellow card does.

Me: OH… GOOD! YELLOW CARD!

His team then grabbed A-Hole’s arm and pulled him off the field… which also caused him to blink…. I WIN!!!