So my gal pal Lynn and I were on our daily lunch walk around the downtown escalade.
Lynn: My toilet’s really broken now.
Me:… oh… okay, shouldn’t you call someone about that?
Lynn: Well it was kind of broken before, but I called maintenance and now it’s totally broken.
Me: … I’m so lost.
Lynn: Okay so a couple weeks ago the little ball thing in the tank wouldn’t go down when you flushed, so the water would just keep running. And being a Montana girl I just decided to fix it myself.
Me: *gasp* Did you go all MacGyver on it?
Lynn: Totally, I just…
Me: USED A STICK OF GUM?
Lynn: No, I…
Me: USED A PAPERCLIP!?!
Lynn: No, I…
Lynn: NO! Jesus woman I was fixing a toilet, not building a bomb!
Me:… sorry, I get a little carried away when it comes to MacGyver.
Lynn: Anyways, I bent the little ball rod thing and it worked fine. Except yesterday I accidently broke the rod in half, so I called maintenance. Well I come home and there’s a note on my door.
Dear tenant: (which is stupid cause he totally knows my name)
I was unable to fix the issue with your toilet and will try again tomorrow. Until then, flush your toilet with a bucket.
Me: How do you flush a toilet with a bucket?
Lynn: No idea! And I was heading to a friends dinner party, but I decided to do a quick bucket flushing practice run while I didn’t have to go to the bathroom, instead of waiting until I got back and really had to go.
Me: Do you even have a bucket?
Lynn: NO! Who does in an apartment? So I went to my kitchen cupboard to grab my big mixing bowel…. and it was wet…
Me: I don’t get… OH MY GOD!! HE USED YOUR BOWL TO FLUSH THE TOILET AND PUT IT BACK!!!???!!
Me: eeeeyyyyywwwwwwww! He is a maintance man, HE SHOULD HAVE HIS OWN BUCKET!!!
Lynn: RIGHT!?!? I can only hope he washed it after, but who knows?! So after completely freaking out, I filled the bowl with water and took it to the toilet… but he didn’t say which part to put the water in.
Me: um, the tank part?
Lynn: No, that is the wrong place to put it… but that’s where I put it. Suddenly all the water causes on of the hoses to pop up and it starts spraying all over my bathroom! So I put my right hand over it and try to turn the water off down below. But it’s on the right side so I’m twisting my whole body around trying to turn it off with my left hand and still block the water with my right hand and by the time I get it off everything is sopping wet! Including me in my nice dinner outfit and… okay stop laughing, it’s not that funny … take a breath sweetie… seriously Mona, you’re gonna bust a vessel!
Me: Sorry, it’s just I can picture it so clearly, cause it’s totally something I would do!
Lynn: Great, now I feel really stupid.