I’m not being all Freudian with that title, I’m just speaking the truth, the hard truth, the hard truth I learned this weekend.
Started when Hubby and I went to Costco… on a Sunday… during snack time… while it was a 100 degrees outside… people. it. was. INSANITY.
I just can’t go into detail of all the horrors I saw, but there was a woman there who had about 30 children and they were going at those snack tables as if it was their last meal. And don’t get me started on the lady who left her huge cart in the middle of the aisle, blocking everyone behind her, so she could go check out the skorts… WHO DOES THAT… AND FOR SKORTS!?!?
Hubby had to revoke my cart pushing rights after I started using it as a riot police shield, pushing the masses of crazies out of my way so I could get my protein shakes.
So by the time we got home, all I wanted to do was relax in our air-conditioned wonderfulness of an apartment.
Hubby: This is gonna take 2 loads.
Me: What!?! No, no it’s not, we can do it in one!
Me: No seriously, here you take that and that and that. And I’ll take this, and this, and *grunt* this. BAM! We’re ready to go!
Hubby: Your arms and legs are shaking, you’re going to drop all of that.
Me: Well maybe if someone stopped gabbing and got moving!
Hubby: Fine… but you’re just gonna hurt yourself.
Me: blah, blah, blah.
5 minutes later, and 2 close calls, we made it to the apartment.
Me: TA DA! One load
Hubby: How’s your arm
Me: Fine… why?
Hubby: Look down.
So I did…
Me: Holy Crap! Why is my arm bleeding? There’s a hole in my arm! Why is there a hole in my arm!?!
Hubby: I think it was when you used your arm to prop the door open and it shut on it… twice.
Me: Well thanks for pointing it out, now it hurts!
Hubby: … ya… cause this is my fault.
A couple hours later Hubby decided to start talking to me again and suggested we play with our new toys we purchased at Costco… boxing gloves. What?! Every caring, loving couple has a pair… right?
Hubby: Okay, I’m gonna teach you a few moves.
Me: Don’t need it, I’ll just float like a butterfly and sting like a bee! BAM!
And somehow I was able to get a quick jab to hubbies tummy.
Me: YA! I. AM. THE. GREATEST!
I then attempted to perform my victory dance by throwing my arms in the air… unfortunately I forgot that I had on my huge boxing gloves… and I totally upper cut myself right under the chin.
Hubby:… you okay there Ali?
Me: I think I bwit my thong.
Hubby: Wow, you really are the greatest… at making yourself bleed.
Me: Thut up.