So Tracy, Tricia and I threw pretty much the most diabolical awesomely evil surprise birthday party for Ashley last weekend… But that’s for another blog.
Don’t freak, I know I say that and then never blog about it again, but I swear on deep fried Twinkies that I will blog about that amazingballs party… later… maybe… someday… possibly.
Anywho, on the way to the surprise birthday party of evil awesomeness; Ashley, Tracy, Tricia, and I had to take a 3 hour car trip along the coast, where we passed through Wheeler, Oregon… where I died of syphilis…kind of… not really… let me explain.
Me: We are now driving through Wheeler… wow I just got this sudden urge to yell “WHEELER INDIANA!”
Tracy: We’re in Oregon Mona.
Me: I know but I have this need to yell “WHEELER INDIANA!” and with a western drawl too.
Tricia: Have you ever been to Indiana?
Me: No, never. I don’t even know if there’s acutally a Wheeler, Indiana…
Me, Tracy, Tricia: TO THE GOOGLE!!!
Me: Holy Shit, there’s really a Wheeler, Indiana! Dude, that’s creepy.
Tricia: OH! Maybe you were the mayor of Wheeler, Indiana, like in a past life!
Tracy: No, it says here that Wheeler, Indiana is an unincorporated community.
Tracy: *sigh* American education at its best, an unincorporated community means it doesn’t have its own government.
Tracy: … you guys are killing me. That means NO MAYOR!
Tricia: Well that’s disappointing.
Tracy: Nope, no mayor, just a county sheriff.
Tricia: OH Mona! I bet you were the Sheriff!!
Tricia: But like back in the old west times.
Tracy: And you were probably really gruff on the outside, but a total softy on the inside.
Me: That sounds like me.
Tricia: And you had a big mustache which was your pride and joy… AND IT CURLED AT THE ENDS!
Me: *GASP* LOVE IT!
Tracy: Ya, but you probably used your own ear wax to make it curl.
Tricia: AND you were sweet on Miss. Kitty… who ran the local brothel… that you visited… like a lot.
Me: … oh…
Tricia: Which is how you got syphilis…
Tracy: Oh, is that how she died?
Tricia: No, she got shot in a quick draw match with Mad Eye Pete.
Me: Okay there’s no way I got beat in a quick draw by a guy with one eye!
Tricia: Not One Eye Pete, MAD Eye Pete… and the effects of the syphilis probably slowed you down.
Tracy: That’s so sad, poor syphilis Sheriff Mona.
Me: I DID NOT DIE OF SYPHILIS!!!!
Tricia: No honey, you died after getting shot by Mad Eye Pete… try to keep up.
Ashley: Can we PLEASE talk about my birthday surprise now!?!?