So Tracy, Tricia and I threw pretty much the most diabolical awesomely evil surprise birthday party for Ashley last weekend… But that’s for another blog. 

Don’t freak, I know I say that and then never blog about it again, but I swear on deep fried Twinkies that I will blog about that amazingballs party… later… maybe… someday… possibly.

Anywho, on the way to the surprise birthday party of evil awesomeness; Ashley, Tracy, Tricia, and I had to take a 3 hour car trip along the coast, where we passed through Wheeler, Oregon… where I died of syphilis…kind of… not really… let me explain.

Me: We are now driving through Wheeler… wow I just got this sudden urge to yell “WHEELER INDIANA!”

Tracy: We’re in Oregon Mona.

Me: I know but I have this need to yell “WHEELER INDIANA!” and with a western drawl too.

Tricia: Have you ever been to Indiana?

Me: No, never. I don’t even know if there’s acutally a Wheeler, Indiana…

Me, Tracy, Tricia: TO THE GOOGLE!!!

Me: Holy Shit, there’s really a Wheeler, Indiana! Dude, that’s creepy.

Tricia: OH! Maybe you were the mayor of Wheeler, Indiana, like in a past life!

Me: Nice!

Tracy: No, it says here that Wheeler, Indiana is an unincorporated community.

Me: …

Tricia: …

Tracy: *sigh* American education at its best, an unincorporated community means it doesn’t have its own government.

Me: …

Tricia: …

Tracy: … you guys are killing me. That means NO MAYOR!

Me: OH!

Tricia: Well that’s disappointing.

Tracy: Nope, no mayor, just a county sheriff.

Tricia: OH Mona! I bet you were the Sheriff!!

Me: NICE!

Tricia: But like back in the old west times.

Tracy: And you were probably really gruff on the outside, but a total softy on the inside.

Me: That sounds like me.

Tricia: And you had a big mustache which was your pride and joy… AND IT CURLED AT THE ENDS!

Me: *GASP* LOVE IT!

Tracy: Ya, but you probably used your own ear wax to make it curl.

Me: Gross.

Tricia: AND you were sweet on Miss. Kitty… who ran the local brothel… that you visited… like a lot.

Me: … oh…

Tricia: Which is how you got syphilis…

Me: DUDE!

Tracy: Oh, is that how she died?

Tricia: No, she got shot in a quick draw match with Mad Eye Pete.

Me: Okay there’s no way I got beat in a quick draw by a guy with one eye!

Tricia: Not One Eye Pete, MAD Eye Pete… and the effects of the syphilis probably slowed you down.

Tracy: That’s so sad, poor syphilis Sheriff Mona.

Me: I DID NOT DIE OF SYPHILIS!!!!

Tricia: No honey, you died after getting shot by Mad Eye Pete… try to keep up.

Ashley: Can we PLEASE talk about my birthday surprise now!?!?

To be continued…
possibly…
maybe…
just don’t hold your breath…
although you never know…
could happen…
but probably not…
…
…