I was reading some of my old blog postings and I realized something rather shocking… I’m an ass.
There have been several blogs I’ve posted that I’ve hinted to an awesome follow up story, but have NEVER followed up… what an ass!
So I’m amending for this now with the following follow up story to my, “I’m not allowed to Captain a Fishing Boat in Alaska”, which I posted back in April of 2011.
We had left off with Soon-To-Be-Hubby banishing me to the bow of the fishing boat after an innocent mistake on my part… that almost killed us all.
HOWEVER, if he had given better captaining instructions and IF there had been an actual captain’s hat, I’m pretty sure none of that would have happened.
Anywho… I digress… so there I was, banished to the bow of the ship so Soon-To-Be-Hubby could take us site seeing by the glaciers.
So glaciers, important thing you should know about them. They will occasionally have chunks of ice fall off them, that will then land into the water, and these chunks of floating ice are called icebergs… I. Did. Know. That.
So icebergs… important thing you should know about them. As they float along, the water will lap away at the bottom of them, until the top portion will become heavier then the bottom portion, and then the iceberg will roll topsy turvy over… I. Did. NOT. Know. That!
Back to Soon-To-Be-Hubby steering the boat through this field of icebergs and me perched on the bow enjoying the view, until one of the icebergs begins to turn over…
People, you need to understand something, I thought I was going to die. This iceberg, that I had been led to believe just floated around doing nothing, was not only rolling but was rolling TOWARDS OUR BOAT! I did what any of you would have done.
I Lost My Shit.
Me: OH MY GOD!!! ICEBERG DEAD AHEAD AND IT’S FUCKING ROLLING!!! MOVE OVER!! MOVE OVER!! HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SAY MOVE OVER IN BOAT TALK!?!? PORT, PORT, PORTPORTPORTPORT! MOVE THE FUCK TO PORT!
Soon-To-Be-Hubby and the captain were both staring down at me from the bridge with looks of confusion.
Me: THE ICEBERG IS ROLLING TOWARDS US!! THIS IS TITANIC ALL OVER AGAIN!!
Side bar: Unfortunately the movie Titanic had not yet come out, or you know I would have been dropping some excellent movie references. Something along the lines of “FIND A DOOR, IT’S OUR ONLY HOPE! AND WE WILL ALL FUCKING FIT ON IT… GOD DAMN ROSE AND HER DOOR HOGGING!!”
Anywho… I digress… again… So, I began to realize that Soon-To-Be-Hubby and the captain were not moving at the urgent pace I believed they should be. I ran over to the deck storage box and began ripping out the survival suits that Soon-To-Be-Hubby and shown me before we had left harbor. This situation had become every girl for herself! And I wasn’t wearing the captain’s hat, so there was NO WAY I was going down with the ship!
Luckily Soon-To-Be-Hubby had bolted out of the bridge and leapt down to me before I could give them a final salute and jumped overboard.
Soon-To-Be-Hubby: BABE! WHAT THE HELL!?
Me: THE ICEBERG IS ROLLING TOWARDS US… WE’RE GOING TO DIE!!!
Soon-To-Be-Hubby: … that’s what icebergs do, when the top becomes heavier then the bottom they rollover… once… we’re fine… see?
He pointed to the iceberg of death and sure enough, it had stopped rolling.
Me:… oh… You didn’t tell me that, that seems important, why didn’t you tell me that?
Hubby: Again, I didn’t think I HAD TO!
Me: Well once again, you WERE WRONG!!