Hubby: What’s that?

Me: Dude, I have like a million things in front of me, so you’re really gonna need to narrow that down.

Hubby: What you just pulled out of the grocery bag.

Me: An umbrella?

Hubby: You bought ANOTHER umbrella!?

Me: What!?! I needed a new one.

Hubby: What happened to the big green and white one?

Me: Left it at the park.

Hubby: The black one with the curved handle?

Me: Fat guy sat on it on the bus.

Hubby: The little pink one?

Me: I sat on it… Shut up.

Hubby: The one with the bird on it?

Me: Okay, I know you’re not gonna believe this… but… it kinda flew away…

Hubby: The Nasa designed, arrow dynamical, tested in a wind turbine, indestructible umbrella!

Me: Left it on the bus.

Hubby: GAH! That’s it, NO more umbrellas for you!

Me: We live in Portland, Oregon! It’s a necessity!

Hubby: NO! You are not allowed to buy anymore umbrellas!

Me: OH, I can’t believe you just said that! I am SO going to Beyoncé your ass!

Hubby: … What does that even mean!?!

Me:  you’ll see.

 If anyone in the Portland area knows where I can purchase a 5 foot tall metal chicken, PLEASE contact me!

In the words of the Great and Powerfull Bloggess…
“Knock-knock, motherfucker.”