I got a call from my mother this morning that started with happy news and ended with me fearing for my future mental health.

Mom: Honey, I got my doe!

Me: Doe, a deer? A female deer?

Mom: I regret ever teaching you that song.

Me: Sorry, well congrats! How long were you sitting outside?

Mom: Oh, I wasn’t.

Me: You wasn’t what?

Mom: Outside.

Me: … explain.

Mom: Well, I was sitting in the rocker by the window and I saw a doe walking towards the house to eat the apples.

Me: There are no apple trees near the house.

Mom: I may have accidently droped some apples around the yard this morning.

Me: …

Mom: So, I got my rifle, put a bullet in it, went back to my rocker, slid open the window and BAM!

Me: …

Mom: Honey, are you still there?

Me: … um ya… let me just clarify something… YOU SHOT A DEER WHILE STANDING IN THE LIVINGROOM!?!?

Mom: Well technically I was sitting on the rocker… in the livingroom.

Me: GOOD LORD MOTHER!! It’s a miracle the rocker didn’t flip over backwards from the firing of the rifle!

Mom: Oh sweetie don’t be silly, I had my foot down to brace it. I’m an experienced hunter afterall.

Me: REALLY!?! Meet a lot of rocker sitting, livingroom shooting, experienced hunters like yourself!?!? Is there a club?!? Do you get the monthly newsletter!?! You’re the president of this group aren’t you!?!?

Mom: … Well now you’re just talking crazy.

Me: REALLY!?!? I’m talking crazy!?!?!

Unless you’re my mother and then it’s actually your home!!