The only reason I can think of why my pants are trying to kill me, is because they don’t fit. 

I’ve packed on a couple pounds since I bought the pants and I’m not able to zip them up all the way. But this is okay as I wear a long blouse over them so you can’t see the half massed zipper.  No harm no foul… apparently the pants don’t view it this way.

Outraged by my insult to its design it has decided to take revenge on me… publicly… and embarrassingly.

The event occurred while I was running for the train.  The evil bastered billowy pants used its floppy billowness to fling itself under my heel and send me flying into the air.

My Mind: WE’RE GOING DOWN… TUCK AND ROLL… TUCK AND ROLL!!!!!!

My Body: ARE YOU INSANE!?!?! LOOK AT WHAT I’M WORKING WITH!!!! SHE CAN’T EVEN SKIP!!!!

My Mind: TUCK AND ROLL DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Body: AAAAARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I fell flat on my face

My Mind: Oh for Christ sake.

My Body: Bite me, at least she’s not dead.

As anyone who falls in front of an entire train full of people, my one and only thought was to get up as quick as possible and act like nothing had happened, and step on the train.

And that’s when the train doors closed in my face.

Me: DDDUUUUDDDEEEEEEEE!

Entire Train Population:  BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! 

There was a pause and then the doors opened again, oh thank god, I stepped in… and everyone applauded me.

Fail to Win in 0.5 seconds, take that evil magical pants!!!

So that’s why the pants are evil… but the magic part came when I sat down.

I pulled up the pant leg and saw a huge red hole in my knee… but the pants… were not torn at all… EVIL MAGIC PANTS!!!!!

Torn knee

Non-torn EVIL MAGIC PANTS!