So the Pros of having a meetup group is you can meet tons of fun and interesting people while doing fun and interesting things.
So the Cons of having a meetup group is you can get stood up… a lot.
Case in point, I am right now sitting at a LOVELY wine bar in Scottsdale waiting for 2 ladies from my meetup group, who said they would join me here, and who are now… 50 minutes late…
While I wait for my 2 meetup companions, who I’m SURE are just stuck in traffic or currently being abducted by aliens, let me describe some of the people that are around me. Cause I’m nursing one glass of wine and most of them are on their thirds and it’s getting pretty damn funny. So THIS is what it’s like to be the sober one… weird.
First up we have ‘I’M SINGLE lady’ at the bar, I know she’s single as she’s announced it in a very LOUD voice for the last 30 minutes. “I JUST NEED ONE. GOOD. MAN.!! She says while swinging her wine glass around. ONE. GOOD. STRAIGHT. MAN!!! She says smacking her friend on the shoulder. ONE. GOOD. STRAIGHT. MAN. WHO. KNOWS. HOW. TO. USE. HIS… her friend then shoved a bruschetta in her mouth before she could finish, but I really wanted to know what the straight man needed to know how to use. I’m guessing a wine opener, straight men are the worst at opening wine bottles, gay men can pop a wine cork in a second.
Next up we have ‘I’m not that fat and not that bald guy’ sitting directly in front of me. I’m quite certain he’s on a blind date, whom he lied to… horribly. I know this per the corset lining I can see through his white shirt, the slightly a-skewed wig, and the horrified look on his companions face when he frantically waved at her when she first walked into the pub. I’m guessing someone fibbed on his online dating profile, by 20 years and 30 pounds.
Then there’s my favorite, “Wine Sommelier Man”, I could watch this man for hours. He has a wine sample in front of him and has been sniffing, swirling, and sipping wine since I’ve been here and I’ve got his routine down. Sniff, shake head as if disappointed or saddened by the wine’s lackingness, swirl, sniff again, sip, swish, swish, swish, swallow, begrudglying raise shoulders as if to say “well if this is the best you have…”. I can also tell he desperately wants us to know he is above us lowly wine pub attendees. He does this by looking at us with a slight sneer on his face, as he gently caresses his cravat.
I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP!!! I would take a picture but he’s in a shadow and I’d need to use the flash and I’ve only had one glass of wine. As we all know, 1 glass of wine is happy, 2 glasses is hilarious, 3 glasses is use a flash to take a picture of someone you plan to make fun of in your blog.
So you’ll just have to take my word for it.
Most people at wine meetups have once been abducted by aliens…or are aliens.
OMG I had almost forgotten about her!!!
Oh my God this is hilarious. I miss being single. Secretly I enjoyed the horrible dates. It made me feel giggely.
Damn girl, that’s funny shit! I don’t know why I didn’t think about writing about the biker bar I managed years ago. Sad thing is, it was never the guys who made asses out of themselves as much as the women. Women are the worst on whiskey. The worst! Ooops…I’m talking about me!