Well per my past blog, they found some skin cancer on my nose.
No biggie, they just sliced a bit, burned the hell out of the surrounding area, and called it good… but.
I fucking hate buts.
I get a call from my dermatologist office telling me the cancer is still there and they need to do a procedure. Being who I am, the phone call went something like this:
Cancer Lady: So we’ll need you to come in for a procedure.
What I thought: FUCK, FUCKETY, FUCK, FUCK, SHITTY, SHIT, SHIT, FUCK!
What I said: Of course, when do you have an opening and I’ll check my calendar.
Cancer Lady: Luckily we’ve had a cancelation so we can get you in Friday.
What I thought: FUCK, YOU ONLY HAVE A FUCKING LAST MINUTE CANCELATION CAUSE THAT PERSON ACTUALLY FUCKING DIED OF CANCER AND I’M FUCKING NEXT!
What I said: Okay, great I’m available Friday. How long do you think it will take?
Cancer Lady: Well we’ll have to slice deeper into your nose for a sample, test it in our office, you’ll have to wait about 40 minutes for results and if that sample comes back positive for cancer we’ll have to cut deeper and continue testing. So depending on the depth of cancer it could be a full day appointment.
What I thought: FUCK, NOT MY FUCKING NOSE!!! I LOVE MY CUTE LITTLE FUCKING NOSE!!! WHY COULDN’T IT BE MY FUCKING ASS, I HAVE ENOUGH FUCKING SKIN ON MY FUCKING ASS FOR LIKE FIVE FUCKING PEOPLE!! FUCK, FUCK, FUCKETY, FUCK!!!!!
What I said: Wow, that’s a little daunting, but okay I’ve cleared my whole Friday. Um, if there is a lot of cancer in my nose, more then just burning could fix, what’s the next step?
Cancer Lady: We would then schedule surgery and make sure to have a plastic surgeon available for consultation.
What I thought: …
What I said: Fuck
For the first time in my life I’m actually wishing I had got the dreaded German eagle beak nose from my father’s side of the family. That schnoz could be hacked in half and still be considered a large nose.
You’re brave! Good luck on Friday – keeping my fingers crossed that it will only be a 40 minute appointment.
Yes, this is news that would make a saint curse. I’m going to think good thoughts for you and hope it’s going to just be an itty bitty little spot on top. Yes. It’s going to be okay. We’re all pulling for you. AND your nose. Good luck!
oohhh itty bitty little spot, I like that, let’s go with that!
You and your nose totally got this. Fuck off, fucking Cancer and fucking leave Mona’s fucking nose alone (I thought you could use even more swearing).
It’s fun hearing you swear cause you’re such a fucking lady.
I’d say you are definitely entitled to swear in these circumstances. Actually, I sound like that when I stub my toe, so perhaps I’m just fucking vulgar. Sending healthy, cancer-free nose vibes your way!
Dude stubbing your toe, that shit hurts!!
Ahh, sweet, adorable Mona, with your cute little perky nose and kick-ass, take-no-prisoners attitude – silly cancer for even attempting to darken your door. You go on – curse that curse and scare that nasty little spot away!
Aw thanks sweetie!
Your sense of humour kicks ass. And also, I once thought I was on hold to an insurance lady and said to my friend “get your fucking mouth off my wine” which made me look about as class as Honey Boo Boo’s mom. Good luck Friday.
Drinking your wine!?!? Thats not a friend. A friend being her own god damn bottle! It’s bestie rule #2.
I know, right? Sheesh, wine thieves.
Cancer can suck it. That is all. Good luck and fingers crossed it will be a 40 minute appointment.
Thanks babe! Mine is small compared to the crapiness that is out there!