Sorry that’s like a ridiculously long title but DUDE.
I received a text from my best friend that SO pissed me off that I… She… We… AAAHHHHGGGGGG!!!… I’m still really annoyed.
Best Friend: Dude on a bike just assaulted me through my window. While calling me cunt for almost hitting him because he ran a stop sign.
Me: WHAT!?!? He didn’t really touch you did he?!?
Best Friend: He ducking punched me in the head
Me: WHAT THE FUCK!?! FUCKING DRIVE HIM DOWN IN SELF DEFENSE!!!
Best Friend: And when I screamed for help, a guy stopped and told me “Calm down, you’re fine.”
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!
THIS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS!!
YA LET’S TELL THE WOMAN WHO’S BEING ASSAULTED THAT “you’re fine”.
Best Friend: I told him the biker just punched me in the head, and then the biker said no he didn’t and rode off.
Me: … I’m so angry right now… I’m shaking, I have to keep getting up to walk away from my desk and then I run right back and sit and then stand up again… I just threw a pen at Alex… he’s the nicest guy, but I’m really upset! I explained why, he says he totally understands, god he’s really nice, I feel really bad about the pen now.
Best Friend: I was still in kinda shock and I looked at the “Calm down” guy and asked him what do I do? And the guy says “just calm down and then you’ll know” and then he drove off…
Me:… ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!? You ask what did I do and he says just calm down and then you’ll know… SO THIS WAS YOUR FAULT THAT YOU GOT HIT!?!? SDKFOIEFSDFSE… I CAN’T EVEN TYPE I’M SO UPSET FOR YOU!!! THIS IS WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD!!! TELLING WOMEN IT’S THEIR FAULT WHEN MEN ASSAULT THEM!! YOU KNOW THAT GUY BEATS HIS WIFE AND THEN TELLS HER IT WAS HER FAULT IT HAPPENED!! GGGGAAAHHHHHH!!!!
Best Friend: … okay sweetie, I love the support and outrage… but you misread my text, I asked him “what Do I do”, not “what DID I do”… he was replying I should calm down and then I’ll know, as in I’ll know what to do next…
Me:… oh… well now I feel bad for saying he beat his wife…
Best Friend: Ya, but telling a woman to calm down after someone just hit her is still wrong.
Me: FUCKING RIGHT IT IS!!! WIFE BEATING BASTARD!!!