So last week I found myself on the couch eating an entire bag of bbq potato chips and drinking a bottle of wine, an excellent combination by the way.  I decided that I needed to counter that bombardment of calories by some nice outdoorsy activity. So I snapped a leash on Orko and off into the desert we went.

The desert in spring is actually really beautiful.  Before we moved to Arizona, I had no idea that cactuses actually bloomed!  So with camera in hand Orko and I hit the trail and went deep into the desert to view some wonders and hike off some chips.

Behold the floral beauty of the desert.

About 30 minutes into the walk I heard a really weird and really loud noise. It sounded something like CHEE CHEE CHEE CHEE!!!

I looked at Orko, “What is that? Sounds like a really pissed of bird”. Orko looked back at me with his head tilted as if saying, “I have no idea”, or more like, “Are you fucking kidding me? You think that’s a bird?!? Jesus christ woman think about where we are!!”.

I shrugged my shoulders and started to walk forward and then heard the noise again, CHEE CHEE CHEE CHEE!! and it seemed closer. Orko has now turned around and is pulling for me to walk the other way. I pulled back on the leash telling him to sit and focus to see where the sound is coming from… and then I see it… I slowly raise my camera… and take the picture…

There’s a Mother Fucking Snake on the Mother Fucking Trail!!!!

“Okay Orko, it’s time to get the FUCK OUT OF HERE!!”. Orko was way ahead of me and sprinted down the trail dragging my dumb ass behind him.

“I can’t believe I thought it was a fucking bird, it was a fucking rattlesnake!” I screamed at Orko as we flew down the trail.  Orko let out a bark that could have easily translated to “NO FUCK SHERLOCK!!”

Orko and I got back to the car in 5 minutes flat and sped back home where I securely positioned myself back on the couch with a new bag of bbq potato chips and 2 bottles of wine.

Fuck Nature and Fuck Getting Healthy!!