So as I mentioned in my last blog, I visited the fam a couple weeks ago and almost got taken down at the security check, But BEFORE that I almost died on the flight over… kinda… not really…

The flight started like all flights do, I boarded the plane to find that someone was sitting in my assigned window seat…

Me: … excuse me…

Teenage girl with headphones on happily ignoring me: ….

Me: OY!!! (I like to go British when I’m annoyed)

Startled teenager yanking out headphones: WHAT?!

Me: I think you’re in my seat…

Disappointed teenager giving me big sad eyes: … am I?…

Me: *sigh* it’s fine, I’ll sit aisle.

The next interesting turn around happened on take off when I heard a… BAM! I looked around and noticed that no one else seemed to hear it, or if they did they didn’t look alarmed, so I wrote it off to me not being the calmest of fliers and got out my book.

I had only gotten through maybe a chapter when I suddenly felt myself sliding forward and my lap seatbelt tightening.  I checked the window next to the now sleeping teenager and only saw quickly moving by clouds. I again looked around the plane but, like before, no one was alarmed or even seemed to be aware of our quick descent. I wondered if this was just me being paranoid again?

… No… No, it freaking wasn’t…

DING

Captain: Ladies and gentlemen please return to your seats and fasten your seatbelts, we will be landing momentarily.

WHAT!? Momentarily!??! We JUST took off!!

I looked out the window and could now see that we had descended underneath the cloud layer and all I saw were mountains, pointy snow capped peaks, I DID NOT SEE AN AIRPORT OR RUNWAY AVAILABLE FOR LANDING!

Me: Stay calm girl, stay fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!

I saw that the seat stealing teenager was sleeping peacefully through our demise. Maybe it was a good thing she and I had switched seats. Being on the aisle allowed me optimal “get the fuck out of here” accessibility to the emergency exits. But then I though what if she doesn’t make it and everyone thinks she’s me since she’s in my seat?  OH MY GOD! They’ll tell Hubby I had died. HE’LL BE HEARTBROKEN!!! I mean she has blonde hair and kinda looks like me, there’s a chance I could be mistaken for… an 18 year old… okay never mind.

DING

Captain: Ladies and gentlemen we had lost cabin pressure, but we have descended to a safe altitude, and will be continuing our flight to Spokane.

… lost cabin pressure… WHERE THE HELL ARE OUR AIR MASKS!?!?

I may not be the best when it comes to paying attention during the safety talk the stewards give, but I’m pretty damn sure I remember someone mentioning how to put on your 1960’s style oxygen cup when there is A LOSS IN FREAKING CABIN PRESSURE!!

What. The. Fuck.

I can’t believe they didn’t drop… it’s outrageous!!…  THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE BEST SELFIE EVER!!