Me: Is this a spider bite or a pimple?
Hubby: Ah babe come on, I haven’t even had my coffee yet, I’m gonna need you to pull your pants back up.
Me: HEY! This is marriage! You said I do to this! Now look at my butt and tell me if that’s a pimple or a spider bite.
Hubby: I don’t remember our marriage vows stating I have to identify strange bumps on your butt.
Me: It has to be a pimple, I mean how could a spider get all the way up my pjs, bite my ass, and then go back out without getting squashed… do you see the squished carcass of a spider back there?
Hubby: I mean there was that part about sickness and health, but I thought that meant making you soup when you don’t feel good or holder your hair when you’re ralphing.
Me: Maybe it’s an ingrown hair, give it a squeeze and see if anything comes out.
Hubby: I’d like a divorce now, please.
Update: it was a pimple