How a majestic fucking eagle tried to kill me but then killed someone else… because it looked so damn majestic.

So while driving across the 520 bridge into work this morning, I saw a huge bald eagle sitting on top of a light pole up ahead of me. I decided I had to take a picture as he was looking majestic as fuck and it needed to be captured and posted on my Instagram page stat!  But then Myself butted in and ruined it… and saved my life… but whatever.

Myself: What the HELL do you think you’re doing?

Me: Dude, look at it! He’s majestic as shit!

Myself: You are currently driving at a lunatic 60 miles an hour in bumper to bumper traffic with a bunch of other lunatics.  If you attempt to find your phone in you purse, then get to your picture app, then somehow zoom in, and take a focused picture of that eagle… you will die.

Me: Well that’s a little extreme.

Myself: Well it’s the truth!  So forget it and keep driving with both hands on the wheel you idiot!

Me: You know what?! You are ALWAYS ruining things for me and you NEVER let me have any fun!

Myself: Yes, and you’re still alive, so you’re welcome!

Me: Whatever I hate you and I’m not talking to you anymore.


About 5 minutes later, and still not talking to myself, the radio went to a traffic update and announced that there had just been a multiple car accident on the east bound 520, shutting down the bridge and causing extended delays.

Myself: Mmmmmmm, looks like someone was an idiot and decided to take a picture of that eagle… AND DIED!

Me: …

Myself: Anything to say??

Me:… ya… I bet that was a fucking awesome picture!!

Myself:… I hate you…

Me: Ditto.

(side note: no one died in the telling of this blog post, it was just a fender bender)



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When your Skype conversation starts about fashion and ends with a suicidal spirit animal.

So sorry for the blurry of the blown up images!
Could I have typed out the conversation instead?
Did I?
Why not?
Lazy… come on people you read my blog, this should really come as no surprise!


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It’s all fun and games until your flight loses cabin pressure and the freaking oxygen masks don’t deploy!!!

So as I mentioned in my last blog, I visited the fam a couple weeks ago and almost got taken down at the security check, But BEFORE that I almost died on the flight over… kinda… not really…

The flight started like all flights do, I boarded the plane to find that someone was sitting in my assigned window seat…

Me: … excuse me…

Teenage girl with headphones on happily ignoring me: ….

Me: OY!!! (I like to go British when I’m annoyed)

Startled teenager yanking out headphones: WHAT?!

Me: I think you’re in my seat…

Disappointed teenager giving me big sad eyes: … am I?…

Me: *sigh* it’s fine, I’ll sit aisle.

The next interesting turn around happened on take off when I heard a… BAM! I looked around and noticed that no one else seemed to hear it, or if they did they didn’t look alarmed, so I wrote it off to me not being the calmest of fliers and got out my book.

I had only gotten through maybe a chapter when I suddenly felt myself sliding forward and my lap seatbelt tightening.  I checked the window next to the now sleeping teenager and only saw quickly moving by clouds. I again looked around the plane but, like before, no one was alarmed or even seemed to be aware of our quick descent. I wondered if this was just me being paranoid again?

… No… No, it freaking wasn’t…


Captain: Ladies and gentlemen please return to your seats and fasten your seatbelts, we will be landing momentarily.

WHAT!? Momentarily!??! We JUST took off!!

I looked out the window and could now see that we had descended underneath the cloud layer and all I saw were mountains, pointy snow capped peaks, I DID NOT SEE AN AIRPORT OR RUNWAY AVAILABLE FOR LANDING!

Me: Stay calm girl, stay fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!

I saw that the seat stealing teenager was sleeping peacefully through our demise. Maybe it was a good thing she and I had switched seats. Being on the aisle allowed me optimal “get the fuck out of here” accessibility to the emergency exits. But then I though what if she doesn’t make it and everyone thinks she’s me since she’s in my seat?  OH MY GOD! They’ll tell Hubby I had died. HE’LL BE HEARTBROKEN!!! I mean she has blonde hair and kinda looks like me, there’s a chance I could be mistaken for… an 18 year old… okay never mind.


Captain: Ladies and gentlemen we had lost cabin pressure, but we have descended to a safe altitude, and will be continuing our flight to Spokane.

… lost cabin pressure… WHERE THE HELL ARE OUR AIR MASKS!?!?

I may not be the best when it comes to paying attention during the safety talk the stewards give, but I’m pretty damn sure I remember someone mentioning how to put on your 1960’s style oxygen cup when there is A LOSS IN FREAKING CABIN PRESSURE!!

What. The. Fuck.

I can’t believe they didn’t drop… it’s outrageous!!…  THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE BEST SELFIE EVER!!




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Per the TSA I’m a bread carrying, lock picking, weirdo…

So while flying back from Spokane to Seattle, a couple weeks ago, I learned about what to NOT have in your carry on bag!

  1. When you’re visiting your parents and your mother teaches you how to make homemade bread. DO NOT let her talk you into taking the big circular shaped one home with you… in your carry on bag.
  2. Leave your lock picking tools, including the metal holding container, at home when traveling. DO NOT put it… in your carry on bag.
  3. If you have your iPhone earbuds, tie the wires up securely in a nice little bundle.  DO NOT let them be all willy nilly looping around the bread and lock pick box and then back to your phone… in your carry on bag.

I’m not gonna lie people, when the security lady flagged assistance over and turned the x-ray screen around so I could see the image of my carry on bag, and then asked me if I could explain what we were looking at…

It took everything in my power not to yell, “HOLY CRAP THAT LOOKS LIKE A BOMB!!”.

Luckily she was more understanding after she had me open up the bag and saw the bread, earbuds, and phone… it took a little while longer to explain the lockpick.

This would be where I would insert a picture of the x-ray image of my bag, and believe me I REALLY wanted to take a picture of it, but I thought grabbing for the bag to get the phone probably would have got me shot… soooooo… no pic.

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It started with Pinterest posts and ended with my inevitable death by explosion… classic Thursday.

Whitney: I just sent this to you via Pinterest but it’s too funny so I’m texting it to you too!4cfc70edb0c564a0c0d6d4a01c0d1009

Me: LOL, have you seen my ‘Word’ section in Pinterest?  I love these things, here’s a great one for me…

Whitney: SO true for you!! (sidenote – you will ASLO be responsible for the explosion happening)

Me: Dude! Geez, you set a few accidental fires and suddenly you’re branded!!

Whitney: You know I’m right.  You are an explosion waiting to happen.  Those “small” fires are the gateway for you to an explosion.

Me:… technically it kinda already happened… remember the gas bbq in the courtyard?

Whitney: Oh yeah – the fire bomb!! May those palm trees rest in palm tree peace.

Me: Poor things, they never saw it coming… click. click. click. KABOOM!!!

Whitney: Seriously how are you still alive?

Me: I honestly don’t know.

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Hubby thinks I’ve reached a point of ridiculousness that there is absolutely no chance of coming back from… I hope so!!!

Hubby:… What… The… Hell?

Me: Don’t hate us cause we’re awesome.


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Incase of emergency… look cute and awesome!

Hubby has not been that impressed with my complete lack of weather preparation, especially in my car. So we went down to the garage to compare his car’s trunk of preparedness to mine.

Hubby: Do you have water?

Me: No, but I do have a couple Starbucks containers that seem to have some substance still in them.

Hubby: … wow

Me: What?!

Hubby: Moving on. What about a blanket? Snow shoes? Protein bars? Extra gas? Tool kit? Emergency suit?

Me:… uuummm… no, no, no, no, no, and a emergency what now?

Hubby: Emergency Suit, see it’s a full body suit you can put over your clothes.  It keeps you clean and warm when you have to work on your car or hike through snow.

Me: That’s ugly.

Hubby: It doesn’t matter how it looks, you should have one in your car. I’ll order you one.

Me: No!  I’ll do it, they have to make them cuter then that.

And Amazon did, and I ordered it, and it just arrived, and I sent a pic to hubby… and he has not replied… yet.

Top Gun Baby!! Call me Goose!!


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