Incase of emergency… look cute and awesome!

Hubby has not been that impressed with my complete lack of weather preparation, especially in my car. So we went down to the garage to compare his car’s trunk of preparedness to mine.

Hubby: Do you have water?

Me: No, but I do have a couple Starbucks containers that seem to have some substance still in them.

Hubby: … wow

Me: What?!

Hubby: Moving on. What about a blanket? Snow shoes? Protein bars? Extra gas? Tool kit? Emergency suit?

Me:… uuummm… no, no, no, no, no, and a emergency what now?

Hubby: Emergency Suit, see it’s a full body suit you can put over your clothes.  It keeps you clean and warm when you have to work on your car or hike through snow.

Me: That’s ugly.

Hubby: It doesn’t matter how it looks, you should have one in your car. I’ll order you one.

Me: No!  I’ll do it, they have to make them cuter then that.

And Amazon did, and I ordered it, and it just arrived, and I sent a pic to hubby… and he has not replied… yet.

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Top Gun Baby!! Call me Goose!!

 

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Per Hubby I do NOT understand the basic fundamentals of Valentines Day.

So I love marriage counseling… come on people… you read this blog… you know there’s no way Hubby and I could hang in there without a little outside help.

Also, if anyone ever tells you that marriage counseling is a last resort, and only for those that are heading for a divorce, you may tell them on my behalf… FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING 1940’S IDEOLOGY YOU FUCKING HEAD UP YOUR ASS FUCK HEAD.

Sorry but I think therapy is awesome and healthy and a great way to get a weight off you that if not removed could really hurt or even kill you… so okay, back to my other rant.

So I found a great new therapist for Hubby and I since our move to Seattle, but her calendar is super limited so I took the first opening she had… which is next Tuesday… February 14th… WHAT!?!? I personally think spending Valentine’s Day evening at a marriage counselor makes perfect sense!  Hubby… not as much…

Hubby: What do you have against this holiday!?

Me: WHAT!? Nothing! I love it! There’s boxes of chocolates involved!! What’s not to like!?

Hubby: Well you have a weird way of showing it, do you remember Valentine’s Day of 2013?

Me:… no… why?

Hubby: You got the dog neutered!!

Me: IT WAS THE ONLY DAY THEY HAD AVAILABLE!!

Hubby: Because most people don’t want to remove their dog’s balls on the most romantic day of the year!!

Me: How is a dog having his balls on Valentine’s Day romantic!?

Hubby:…

Me: Well look at it this way, we already have a topic for the new counselor!

Hubby:…

Me: WHAT!?!?

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Chivalry is dead.. and buried… and then someone dug it back up and peed on it… and then buried it again… with a dead fish…which stinks… literally.

So apparently, per the news, Seattle is having a Winter Storm Warning, aka WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE IN A FROZEN TUNDRA OF DEATH!!!!

Now I was aware of this, but may have slightly forgotten about it when I was getting ready this morning and picking out my shoes for the day.  My beautiful 3 inch stiletto heeled shoes.

Shut. Up. I. Know.

But to be fair I take an elevator to our garage and then a nice, dry, weather free walk to my pre-warmed car.  So I didn’t really realize the error of my ways until I got to work, or to be more specific my work’s parking lot… which had not been plowed OR salted since the storm.

So there I was bracing myself against my car and contemplating the 20 feet stretch of snow and ice between me and the front door of my building. After taking a few test steps, that nearly landed me on my ass, I was beginning to consider the option of just taking of my babies and going barefoot across the parking lot when I saw it… my saving grace… my hero in a parka… a gentleman coming from across the lot towards me and the front door.

I was just about to tell him that he was my hero and people would sing songs of him when he slightly paused to look at me with my wide legged stance and car clutching arms and then… WALKED RIGHT ON BY ME AND INTO THE BUILDING… Dude!!! I mean DUDE!!!

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I am LADY OF THE DANCE!!!… actually I’m more like Drunk Googler of the Web who shouldn’t be allowed to get to her credit card after 3 drinks…

Me: Don’t laugh or roll your eyes or sigh at the next thing I’m going to tell you.

Hubby: Oh god what?

Me: Well last night, after I finished off that excellent merlot that you brought home, I thought how we should totally take dance classes together.

Hubby: No.

Me: So I googled and found this great dance class nearby.

Hubby: No!

Me: And they are just starting their Spring sessions.

Hubby: NO!!

Me: And then I thought, “who am I kidding? Hubby is never going to take a dance class with me.”

Hubby: YES!

Me: But their website was so impressive and they offered SO many classes…

Hubby: NO!!!

Me: So I signed up for Irish dancing… I start next Wednesday… Just me…

Hubby: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!

Me: Okay that’s one of the things I told you NOT to do! Screw you sir! I’m going to be amazing at this!! I’m going to practice everyday!!! There will always be Irish step music playing in this house until my classes are finished… IN SIX MONTHS!!!

Hubby:…

Me: HAHAHAHA! WHO’S LAUGHING NOW!?!?!

irish-dance

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Not to be outdone by my marriage, my friendship is making an aggressive bid for best text conversation!!

I sent this amazing photo to my friend Whitney…

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Texting once again is helping me to see that my marriage is pretty on point.

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Christmas Time aka Card War aka My Families Better Then Your Family aka Suck It… Twice.

Aaaaahhhhhhh the holidays, a time when all the people in my life decide to shove it in my face how happy and wonderful they are by the use of my faithful United States Postal Service deliverer, Bert.  Dammit people come on!  Bert’s got bunions!! Give the guy a break!!! HE DOESN’T DERSEVE THIS!!

*phew* okay, I’m okay, don’t worry about Bert, I gave him brownies for the holidays… special brownies… cause I live in Washington… maybe I should have told Bert they were special…

Anywho! Holiday Cards, here’s Hubby and My 411 on them…

WE DON’T DO THEM!!!

It’s not because we have a strong and sound belief in ourselves and don’t feel we need to let everyone know how strong and sound our belief is, it’s simply because that shit takes a lot of time and effort!!!

I mean you got to take the picture, create some witty wording, print it out on card stock, after going out and buying cardstock, then find everyone’s addresses, get stamps, and then mail!?! Ugh forget it, I couldn’t even get this holiday blog out on time…

But so not to be a total scroogy grinchy asshole during the holidays, I do put the cards up on my fridge, which I think shows some real holiday cheer and good will towards man on my part… that is until Tracy ruined it.

babyNot only did my pretty much perfect friend Tracy send the most adorable holiday card that ever existed… she sent it to me TWICE… she SAYS this was an accident, she SAYS she did so many mail batches that she lost track of who already got one…

So basically she has so many friends to share her perfect life with she couldn’t keep track… she could have at least sent me some aloe, to go with that burn.

And then she pretty much DID by sending me flowers for my birthday, which is 3 days after Christmas which means it’s pretty much ignored by everyone… DAMN YOU TRACY, YOU PERFECTLY WONDERFUL PERSON!!!!!

flowers

 

 

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